Hyouhyou Kodori
by Ina-chan
Summary: WINNER of BEST DRAMA FIC in FRUITY GROUP ML 2002 Fanfiction Contest! COMPLETED. Seeing Yuki and Tooru's happiness, Kagura starts to have confusing feelings...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

October 23, 2002 (revised Dec. 7, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori : Prologue 

By Ina-chan

Twelve years past was the first and last

Do you remember? When we danced together?

You were but a child, untamed and wild

So we practiced in advance, we danced and we danced

Completely unaware, for nothing could prepare

How the heart swayed when the actual music played

~~*@*~~

                "Ne, Kagura-san…" 

                I stopped and turned around, trying hard to keep a serious face over my bubbling amusement with the situation before me. Tooru-kun stopped on her tracks, for the hundreth time since we left Shi-chan's house. She wrung her hands together and gave me that hopeless look of uncertainty she makes when she's anxious. I couldn't help but let out another exasperated sigh, "Tooru-kun, how many times do we have to go through this?"

                "I'm sorry. But are you sure, it's really okay? Are you sure I won't be a bother? Won't he get mad?" She continued on nervously

                "Tooru-kun," I sighed once again as I crossed my arms and tapped my foot in mock impatience, "You have been living in the same house as Yun-chan since you were sixteen years old. You know him as well as I do. Most specially now."

                I couldn't help but make an amused smile as I saw her bow her head shyly, a faint blush lighting her cheeks. It's been roughly nine years since Tooru-kun came into our lives.  So much has changed these past years.  Yet at the same time, there were still some things which remained exactly the same. 

                "You said yourself, that you wanted to see him dance, right?" I reminded her

                "But… Kagura-san…" Tooru continued hesitantly, as she regained her composure, "The Jyuunishi dance… no outsider has ever seen it, right?"

                Akito-san had finally grudgingly accepted the fact that Tooru-kun will always be a part of all our lives. Nevertheless, there are still some boundaries that Tooru-kun cannot cross. Though she can't watch the actual Jyuunishi New Year's Party dance, there was no rule against her not being to able to watch us practice, "Isn't that the reason why this is your chance?" 

                "But… this is so important to Yuki-kun… I don't want to be a trouble to him."

                Her statement rang in my head and I couldn't help but wonder at the irony of the situation. The old Yun-chan I know couldn't care less about what happened in the Jyuunishi party. For as long as I could remember, Yun-chan only came because he had no choice. Though he would let us drag him along, Yun-chan's participation with anything we did was always of relative passivity. Never initiating anything, but doing everything that was expected of him. So it was a big shock when Yun-chan approached me and asked if it were possible for the both of us to practice for the dance at Shihan's doujou after work.

                In fact, I still remember the first and the last time Yun-chan and I danced together twelve years ago this coming year. He was thirteen, and it was his first dance. He had the usual first-time jitters. Then again, Yun-chan was a completely a different person back then. Because of circumstances beyond anyone's control, the Yun-chan of the past was literally a timid little mouse. He faced his first Jyuunishi dance like a person about to endure a death sentence.  

There really was no need to practice for the Jyuunishi dance since there were no pre-drawn steps to practice in the first place. Shi-chan actually encouraged me to coax Yun-chan into practicing with me more to ease his anxiety. 

In full honesty, until then, Yun-chan wasn't a real person to me. He was always known as the "special one" of the Jyuunishi. The cunning mouse which caused Kyou-kun's grief all those years. Even though he still lived in the main house back then, I didn't really have a chance to get to see Yun-chan other than in the Jyuunishi party. Perhaps the gap in our ages was one of the reasons. But I think it was mainly because of the fact that he was ill and isolated from us most of the time. 

Then, twelve years ago, little by little, I started to understand the situation. Little by little, I started to understand Yun-chan. Those times we spent together practicing in Shihan's doujou after the day's classes were done… I'd like to think that it was around that time with me that Yun-chan started to change.  Twelve years can bring a lot of changes in a person. 

                At the moment, Tooru-kun was looking at me with those big worried eyes.

But no… 

Now that I think about it, Tooru-kun was the real reason why Yun-chan started to change. Twelve years ago, Yun-chan only learned to overcome his timidity. It wasn't until Tooru-kun came into our lives that he really started to change. 

These nine years also made me close to Tooru-kun. Close enough to share a very important secret.

That secret was the reason why this Year's New Year dance is very important to Yun-chan… to the both of them. Depending on which path the set of circumstances they were about to pursue will go, it could very well mean that this dance would be his last. 

Yes, twelve years can change a person a lot.

The Yun-chan I know now overcame his timidity and found the courage to do anything for the young woman standing before me.

                A small twinge of pain throbbed in my chest at that thought. Various emotions have been plaguing me like demons the past few weeks since that secret they shared with me. Fear. Happiness. Anxiety. Guilt. Shame… 

…envy…

…jealousy.

I tried to shake those awful and hateful feelings away. Push them away. Exorcise those demons… but no matter how many times. No matter what I do… these feelings simply won't go away. It's strange, isn't it? Feeling that way toward the people you care about the most in the world. 

                It's not fair!

Don't I deserve to be happy too? 

Why?

Why can't the person I love the most do that for me? 

Why can't the person I love the most not love me like he loves her?

Why her and not me?

Why not me?

                "Kagura-san?"

                Tooru-kun continued to look at me with those big worried eyes.

It was enough to give me enough strength to completely push those sentiments away. I forced a big smile and took her hands into mine, "Ne, Tooru-kun… you know Yun-chan isn't the only one dancing this year. I'm dancing too! And I want you to be here to watch me practice. So if Yun-chan doesn't like it for some reason, I'll simply kick his ass." 

                Tooru-kun let out a nervous smile despite the visible bead of sweat appearing on her forehead, but it was enough uproot her feet from the ground… at least for the next five minutes. I can only hope that we would reach the doujou before then. I'm beginning to run out of guilt trip tactics to force her to move forward.

So, like two excited schoolgirls, we giggled and walked the rest of the way, hand-in-hand. But seeing Shihan's doujou in the near distance, I see myself being forced once again to look deep inside of my self. The same twelve years that changed Yun-chan has changed me as well… But unlike the salvation that Yun-chan has achieved, I find myself with a small metaphorical box. 

Something I don't know is struggling to get out of that box… 

…and it's frightening me.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

October 24, 2002 (revised Dec. 7, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori : Chapter One

By Ina-chan

The heart throbs with each beat

This inexplicable intoxicating heat

Loosing all sense of time

As if drinking a bottle of fine wine

Robbing the mind of its reason

The soul getting lost in confusion

As we danced and danced and danced

~~*@*~~

                The faint sound of feet pitter-pattering and sliding across the polished floor greeted us as we rounded the corner of the hallway. It was just as Tomoda Kunimitsu-kun predicted when he greeted us from the front. If there was one thing about Yun-chan that never changed, it was how he pursues a goal once he actually set his mind on it. Once again, I sensed Tooru-kun begin to falter on her steps behind me. So before she could make another move, I quickly grabbed her arms and mischievously pushed her in the room.

                "WAIT!! KAGURA-SA—" She managed to resist and anchor herself on the doorway with one hand before she tumbled unceremoniously through the entrance as she brought her other hand up to cover her mouth

                Not that it mattered in the first place. The sole person in the room continued his graceful movements, obviously not noticing the two newcomers gawking at him from the door. His eyes were closed, deeply immersed in a kata that I recognized as one of his favourites … and completely off-guard.  I couldn't help but frown at that. Yun-chan does that sometimes. Completely spacing out when he's in deep concentration. 

I couldn't help but ponder in amusement at the idea that if Kyou-kun would take this opportunity to challenge Yun-chan. That is, if Kyou-kun wasn't gallivanting somewhere in Japan in a training trip with Shihan. From the corner of my eye, I could see Tooru-kun watching Yun-chan, in wordless adoration. Once again, that familiar pang stung my chest. Though Shihan promised to bring Kyou-kun back home before the New Year, even if it meant literally dragging him back kicking and screaming… it still hurt. Because I know the exact reason why they decided to go on a spur of a moment trip. The timing was too coincidental to ignore.

                I forced my concentration back to watching my dancing partner. Inspecting him more closely this time, I realized why Tooru-kun was watching him like a drooling otaku adoring her favourite idol. It was obvious that he came earlier than the agreed time and has been at this for a while. Sweat glistened on his skin, dampening his hair, and the wet sections of his shirt clung persistently to the contours of his body.  Since Yun-chan did not pursue the same rigorous training as Kyou-kun, he didn't attain the same impressive amount of muscle mass that Kyou-kun possessed. Nevertheless, he kept fit and filled in enough to shed the effeminate features that he detested as a teen-ager. The older and sharper angles of his face may have erased all doubts about his gender, but it was obvious that he was going to be one of those people envied for possessing a boyish twenty-something face for the rest of their lives.

                Then the unthinkable happened… It was subtle and unnoticeable to the untrained eye. But I saw it there nonetheless… As Yun-chan turned to do a kick, there was a noticeable fumble on his timing. In fact, now that I think about it… his timing was off entirely! His actions were graceful and pleasing to watch, but still… the punches and kicks were done almost half-heartedly. I crossed my arms in displeasure at his disappointing efforts. Yun-chan has definitely ignored all his training.

I could almost imagine Kyou-kun's reaction if he were here to see it. It'll be the same as when we were children when he would scrutinize Haru-chan when fumbles a part of a kata.  I couldn't help but smile as the ghostly image of my Kyou-kun, shaking his head in disgust from the corner of the room, yelling… 

"MADA MADA NE! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" 

My hands flew to my mouth, realizing too late that Kyou-kun's words had flown from my mouth. Nonetheless, the damage was already done. The enchanting spell in the room was broken.  Tooru-kun suddenly turned to me in surprise and Yun-chan froze in mid-step, opened his eyes and turned to our direction, finally sensing our presence.  

Ah well, there's no helping it.

"Yun-chan!" I called out impishly with a warm smile as I raised my hand in a wave

"G-good Evening, Yuki-kun," Tooru stammered nervously with a low respectful bow

"Kagura… Honda-san? What are you doing here?" A definite frown of surprise lined his forehead when he acknowledged us in a tone louder than necessary. He quickly grabbed a towel on the floor by his feet before making his way towards our direction 

I glared at him with his reaction. Couldn't he see how anxious Tooru-kun was as it is! Of all the people in the world, he should know better at how sensitive Tooru-kun was regarding about people getting mad at her. I tapered my anger and instinctively clenched my fist and waited patiently until he was within the distance of my righteous indignation.

"AH!" Tooru immediately straightened up and looked at him in horror, "I knew it was going to be a bother! I'm sorry! I'll leave right away!"

"What?" Yun-chan yelled again, his head slightly cocked to one side, as he rubbed the towel over his hair

It was only then that I saw it. I felt my anger deflate as a mischievous grin crept on my lips. Without warning, I quickly reached out and roughly pulled the tiny black electronic apparatus snugly fitted on his ear. Its twin brother immediately popped out from his other ear, the thin plastic holding them together raking against his skin. Hide crooning about his misery faintly echoed through the room.

"Itte! Kagura!" Yun-chan let out an automatic yelp of pain tried to pull away from me, "Watch what you're doing!" 

"HAAAAAA!" I cried out, my indignation flaring up once again, ignoring his protests as I dug through the folds of his clothes to retrieve the mini-disk player hidden in it. Upon finding it, sure enough, undeniably spinning through the transparent cover of the tiny gadget… it stared right back at me on the face… I grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him with all my might, "YUN-CHAAAAN!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!  I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS DISC FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS!!!! AND YOU HAD IT ALL THIS TIME!!!!!! HIIIIIIDOIIIIII!!!!"

"Halleluya- le-miserable I wanna show you how low and low. Halleluya-le-miserable do you wanna show me how low and low? Say halleluya …" Hide sang mournfully as both Yun-chan and Tooru-kun stared at me with identical blank expressions on their faces. 

Suddenly, the realization of Yun-chan actually listening AND pacing a kata to the crooning of a dead J-Rock singer sporting a giant bright red Mohawk hit me. The same realization must have hit Tooru-kun at the same time, as the two of us immediately burst out laughing, trying to control the tears threatening to roll down our eyes.

"What is it this time?" Yun-chan glared at me as he pulled away from my grasp, now genuinely irritated 

"No wonder your timing was off…" I finally managed to blurt out, while waving the MD player in my hand "As great your taste in music can be, you suck in finding the appropriate ones to use. Besides, don't you think you're a little too old to just start to get into this kind of music?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Yun-chan demanded in annoyance as he snatched the gadget from my hand, "And for your information, I did not pilfer your beloved… whoever this is… from you. I just picked up a random disc from Haru's backpack this afternoon and I didn't realize what it was until I started playing it a few minutes ago." 

Without missing a beat, he turned to the other occupant of the room, his face completely changing into the gentle expression reserved only for Tooru-kun. I tried my best trying not to roll my eyes as he wordlessly reached over to cup her cheek to give her a quick affectionate peck on the forehead.

"You're not mad that I barged in like this?" Tooru-kun asked worriedly

"Why should I be mad?" He frowned as the hand that cupped her cheek, idly wandered to the side of her face to secure loose strands of hair behind her ear, "Well… I'm a little surprised since I wasn't expecting to see you until later."

Based on her tone, I'm assuming that Tooru-kun's face brightened upon hearing his words, "Ah! By the way… how did it go?"

"Haru and I went to the apartment that Ni-san was referring to, this afternoon," The tone on his voice immediately became animated at her question, "It's not very big, but compared to the cubicle I'm living in now…it's a mansion!" 

I tried to force my mouth to open to join in on the conversation, but it wouldn't obey my brain's commands…  

"But what's great about it, is that it's only two stations from your work and five stations from the University." 

…for some strange reason, I couldn't get my eyes to tear away from his hand, which at that moment, slid down her arm to her hand in order to twine his fingers with hers… 

"Since Niisan knows the landlady, she's giving us a fairly good rate considering its an apartment in the city. AND the family living there now is moving to their new place at the end of term. Meaning, if we do take it, we could actually move in even before commencement exercises."

…his thumb unconsciously making small lazy circles over her palm.

"That's wonderful!" Tooru-kun exclaimed excitedly  

She let go of Yun-chan's hand to clasp her own hands together. 

"All that's missing now is to bring YOU to see it for yourself. Kamura-sensei gave me the next two weeks time off work so I can prepare for my thesis defence. So anytime you're free after work…" 

Both his hands now rested lightly on her sides in a loose embrace.

"I'm not doing any overtime for a while… but is it okay?  Your thesis defence…"

Now her hands rested lightly over his protective arms.

"Sacrificing one day off that damn thesis for you is nothing compared to the months you had to endure with me when I was writing it!" 

He laughed and bent down to give her another affectionate kiss on the top of her head that she responded in kind by moving her arms to go over his shoulders in her own loose embrace.  

"AAAAH! Yuki-kun! Your shirt is soaking wet! You better take it off and change before you catch a cold!"

I took this opportunity to tear my eyes away, not that it mattered anyway. It was obvious that they've completely forgotten that I was in the room. They had fallen into their own little world as they made plans for their own little future. Though I know that they weren't doing it on purpose, it still felt so dirty being forced to silently watch them… It made me feel like I'm some kind of perverted voyeur. 

"Heeeeh? Take off my shirt here? Ecchi." 

I turned away and crossed my arms tightly across my chest, more to contain the inexplicable bubbling ire threatening to burst out from me. 

"HAAA! Iya! No! That's not what I meant!"

That metaphorical box was shaking violently as whatever it is inside struggled to get free against the closed lid. My struggle to keep lid of that box closed is getting harder and harder.

"Damn it Yuki! Just be a good boy and do what your WIFE is asking you to do!" 

Shit.

The icy sarcastic words left my mouth before I even realized I was saying it aloud. I didn't need to turn around to see the shocked expressions on their faces. It was obvious based on the silence in the room. Whatever anger I felt was quickly overpowered by a great sense of shame.  

I took a deep shaky breath and forced a big smile on my face before turning around to face them, "Ne, Yun-chan… Why don't you go and take a short break to change. I don't want to practice with you if you're going to be wet and stinky."

"Sure…" Yun-chan said cautiously, not tearing his eyes from me as he moved across the room to get his gym bag before heading toward the door, "I'll be back as soon as I finish changing into drier clothes." He stated redundantly, more as an excuse to give me a questioning look. When I didn't respond, he continued his way out of the room, but not without giving Tooru-kun an unspoken request, giving her a light touch on the arm as he passed by.

"Kagura-san…" Tooru-kun began as the two of us remained in the room

"I'm sorry Tooru-kun," I interrupted sheepishly, "I really don't know what came over me. That outburst was uncalled for. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I know it's very hard of you," Tooru-kun replied as she clasped her hands together, "But I'm sure Kyou-kun is just fine. And Shisho-san did promise to bring him back before the New Year. Still, if you need to talk to me about anything, you know that you can come to me any time."

"Thank you," I whispered gratefully as I closed my eyes at the sound of her words, a genuine smile touching my lips. Yun-chan was definitely lucky to find Tooru-kun. No… they were both lucky to find each other, "Ne, Tooru-kun. Why don't you go on ahead and steal a few minutes alone with Yun-chan. Actually, you can take all the time you want." I flourished my sentence with a knowing wink.

"Eh!?" An embarrassed flush immediately appeared on Tooru-kun face

She's just so precious, I can't help continuing to tease her, "Well… You haven't been spending much time alone together recently, have you? Between your work, and Yun-chan's own work, plus Yun-chan's final year in his post-grad program… I'm sure you two can come up with something very creative in a short time with all that pent up energy. We can talk about the juicy details later."

"EEEEEH!? KAGURA-SAN!! W-WE HAVEN'T… I-IT'S… NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!" Tooru-kun hid her face in her hands in embarrassment, feeling totally scandalized. 

"Sorry! Sorry! I was just teasing," I couldn't help laughing out loud, "But seriously, I'm going to need a few minutes to warm up anyway.  So why don't you go ahead and follow Yun-chan."

"Are you sure?" Tooru-kun asked one more time

 "Hai, hai! I'll see you in a few minutes," I replied as gave her a warm smile while waving her to get out of the room

"Okay," Tooru-kun stated uncertainly as she finally left.

With her gone, I let out a long exasperated sigh. Honestly… they're 25 years old and in love. What exactly do they do when they're alone together? Play musical chairs?

I took several cleansing breaths and started my stretching exercises. Of course, Tooru-kun was absolutely right. As usual, Kyou-kun had gone off and disappeared somewhere with Shihan and had insensitively bothered not to call or write to let me know what's happening with him. I was just feeling anxious and worried and lonely with him not around. That has got to be the reason for this. I have to get a grip of myself. After all, Kyou-kun will be back in time for New Years… And when he comes back, I'll give him hell ten times over for torturing me like this!

I was so engrossed with my thoughts as I warmed up that I almost didn't notice it… a small figure standing in the shadowed corner of the room. And when I did, I almost freaked out. That is until I realized that it was just a boy between ten to thirteen years old. His back was turned to me as he looked out a nearby window. He was probably one of the new students who got confused and wandered in.

"Hi, there," I called out with a big smile, forcing my pulse to slow down to a normal pace, "What's your name?"

The boy didn't acknowledge my presence and continued to stare at whatever was interesting him outside.

"Are you lost? Is your mother still talking with Tomoda-kun?" I asked again, trying not to change the expression on my face as I approached the child

/You're late./ 

I froze. The boy's voice was almost and in inaudible. But for some strange reason, it rang loud and clear… as if he was talking directly in my head. Fear suddenly coursed through my entire being. I wasn't the type of person who believed in these kinds of things, but I could honestly feel all the small hairs in my body prickling in apprehension. I fought against the urge to bolt towards the door as I stood my ground.

"Who are you?"

/You said cram school will be done early today and you'll be here by seven. I've been waiting that long./

"I'm sorry…" I replied uncertainly. The voice has a distinct familiar ring to it… My curiosity overpowered whatever fear I was feeling as I stepped forward, trying to get a better view of his face. 

/You forgot all about me, didn't you?/

With those words, the boy suddenly turned around to face me, his hair gleamed like silver under the pale moonlight streaming through the window. His mournful grey eyes seemed to pierce right through my soul. 

/Kagura-neechan?/

"Yun… chan…?" I felt my breath suddenly catch painfully in my throat as I realized who it was. My hands reached out for him instinctively, only to watch them attempt to grasp thin air as the forgotten phantom from my memories disappeared to non-existence. What the hell is going on here?

"Kagura?" Yun-chan's puzzled voice called out from the doorway behind me, "What are you doing?"

I spun around and saw Tooru-kun and Yun-chan looking at me with worried expressions on their faces. It was only then I realized that my hands were still crossed in an awkward position in front of me. 

"Hahahaha! This is so embarrassing! I guess you caught me in the middle of a daydream…" I said pathetically, forcing out a loud laugh as I hid my hands behind my back

"I see…" Yun-chan raised an eyebrow, "And you used to say that I'm the one who's strange."

"And you still are," I countered flatly, "Ne… are you ready to get started or what?"

"Do you want to start with that traditional dance you and Shigure did last year? I'll just follow your lead… or do you want Honda-san to just pick a random song and we'll sink or swim?" As he offered his hand to me

"As long as Tooru-kun is the one picking the music… Though I don't know about the sinking thing. After all, I'm not the one who's off with the timing here," I retorted playfully as I moved closer to take his hand

Without warning, he suddenly yanked me towards him and I found myself tumbling forward unceremoniously. I probably would have ended up as an undignified heap on the floor had he not caught me smoothly in his arms. I could hear my heart suddenly pounding loudly in my ears as the warmth of his arms enveloped me. I suddenly felt light-headed and breathless as I felt his warm breath whispering quietly in my ear.

"You better remember the first rule about dancing with a partner… or I just might decide to drop you right in the middle of the dance. I'm no longer a thirteen-year-old that you can push around."

"I can still kick your ass…" That was all I can utter lamely to refute, as I struggled against the tight constriction forming in my throat while I half-heartedly pushed myself away from his light grasp.

I instinctively stepped away to maintain a not so obvious distance as he turned his attention back to Tooru-kun, who at the moment was waiting for our signal to man the portable CD player that they returned with. I could still feel the heat from his body prickling my skin. I rubbed my arms, trying to wipe the wanton sensation away.

This is wrong! 

This is wrong!

THIS IS SO WRONG!

That painful sting in my chest is growing into a throbbing ache. Once again, the box rattled and shook violently. What's wrong with me? What's happening? Why is this happening? 

Kyou-kun…

TO BE CONTINUED…


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

October 25, 2002 (revised Dec. 7, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori: Chapter Two

By Ina-chan

Should we answer passion's call?

Not caring if we fall

The balance where we stand

At a careless slight of a hand

Can rumble, tumble, crumble

As we danced and danced and danced

~~*@*~~

                The full moon shone in its full glory that night, its bright ethereal glow casting a mysterious shadow over its land bound subjects below. It caused everything to look hazy and surreal… then again it could just be my fogged-up mind. People often said that the full moon could cause people to do lots of crazy things.  

                The faint jingling of bells, a light thump as something fell on the ground, and an explosion of uncontrollable giggling caused me turn sharply at my companion.  /Shhhhh! If you keep that up, they'll find us./

                /It's not my fault, it's the bells./ My younger companion slurred in a loud whisper. I thought he had already taken off all the accessories of his attire right after he finished his dance with Haru-chan in the Jyuunishi party this year.  Apparently, he forgot to take off the most disadvantageous piece in a game of hide-and-go-seek. I swear, if they find us because of his carelessness, Isuzu will never let us hear the end of it!

                /Then do something about the damn bells,/ I hissed back in annoyance

                With that, he tuned his attention to the piece of jewellery dangling on his foot, pursed his lips over a finger and let out a loud /Shhhhhh!/

                /You are so strange./ I couldn't help but let out a giggle at his antics. Suddenly getting found didn't seem to matter any more. Yun-chan is definitely not acting like himself right now.  The logical part of my mind nagged at me, trying to tell me something very important about the situation. Normally, I probably would have listened. But that strange but pleasant buzz in my head made it very difficult to hear what the logical part of the brain is trying to tell me. That was just so weird. I had no idea that cigarettes can do that to you, /Stop acting like an idiot and get up. Momi-chan would be finished counting by now./

                Yun-chan obediently tried to get on his feet, only to loose his balance and fall back on the ground, emitting another series of uncontrolled giggles. /I can't, the ground is spinning too fast./

                /Silly mouse!/ I let out a giggle at the lame joke as I made my way over to help him on his feet. He wobbled precariously before collapsing in my arms in an undignified giggling heap.  A few moments later, his head lolled forward, eyes drooped tiredly, and his strength to stand on his own legs gave way even with my support. His sudden lethargy immediately cleared up the haze in my head, /Yun-chan…/

                /I'm sorry Nee-chan./ He apologized, trying to suppress another round of giggles /Let me close my eyes for a minute, then we can continue the game./

I let out a breath of relief, seeing that he was okay. Still, whichever way I see it, Yun-chan was definitely in no condition to continue with the game. So without another word, I hauled him on a piggyback and started the short trek from the gardens to his house. I was simply grateful that Yun-chan still hasn't gotten his growth spurt despite already being fourteen.  He actually looked a lot more like twelve. And because of his chronic illness… a very petite, thin, and light twelve-year-old… 

                /Nee-chan/ I felt his warm breath whispered softly over my ear, /Can I tell you a secret?/

                /What?/ I whispered back

                The chilly evening breeze blew short gusts at our direction and I felt his arms wrap around my neck a bit more tightly for warmth… but also as if afraid that he would fall. It was silent save for the faint tinkling of tiny bells with each step I took. The full moon continued to shine its mysterious ethereal glow over its land-bound subjects below.

                "Kagura?"

                I snapped out of my reverie and turned to the direction of the voice that called me and saw Yun-chan's face staring at me with a puzzled expression, "Eh? Yun-chan? What are you doing here?"

            "No, I think the appropriate question is… what are YOU doing here?" Yun-chan corrected, the puzzled look quickly turning that into genuine concern, "When I found you, you looked as if you were in a daze. Have you been standing here too long?"

                I looked around and understood his apprehension… Somehow, I've wandered into Yun-chan's neighbourhood, standing in front of Yun-chan's apartment building since who knows when, with no idea how I got there. The past couple of days, these spells started to become more and more frequent. The last thing I remember were having visions of these old forgotten memories… then 'waking up' somewhere unexpected. Frankly, I'm starting to get worried myself.

                Nonetheless, I gave Yun-chan the sunniest smile I could muster, "I was just taking a walk, and just happened to wander by your neighbourhood."

                "I see…" He replied, still looking unconvinced. He waited expectantly for a few moments, for me to elaborate my explanation. When he received none, he ran his fingers through his hair and let out a defeated sigh, "I was about to go and get something to eat… do you want to join me?"

                "Heeeh? You're not going to see Tooru-kun at Shi-chan's today?" I looked up at him in surprise as we started out pace on the sidewalk

                Yun-chan looked at me strangely, "That computer workshop course that she wanted to take was today, remember? She said it might finish late, so I'm picking her up later tonight."

                I couldn't help but blink in surprise. Tooru-kun talked about that for several weeks. It was rather strange for me to suddenly forget. But seeing that worried look deepen on Yun-chan's face from the corner of my eye, I quickly covered up my own surprise and flashed him a sly knowing grin, "Ah! That's right… tomorrow is Christmas, after all… So I guess that means she's sleeping over tonight…" 

                "Yes…" The worried look automatically vanished from his face as he looked away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable to meet my eyes, "And take that smile off your face, it's disturbing."

                If Tooru-kun was fun to tease, managing to get through Yun-chan's calm exterior to pull out a reaction was an even better treat, "Eh? Yun-chan actually has a guilty look on his face," I stated in mock surprise. "Aaaah… Now, I see… Tooru-kun has been denying it, and she's not the type of person to lie. So that means Yun-chan has something very perverted in mind for tonight…"

                "Shut up! That really is none of your business!" 

                Seeing Yun-chan flustered after a good teasing always gave me a triumphant high… even when we were children. But for some strange reason, watching him now… as he started to walk briskly and quicken his pace to leave me behind… it didn't seem funny anymore. 

                When we were children, Yun-chan told me once that if he were given a choice to what jyuunishi animal to be cursed with… he would have chosen to be the bird. At least, he said, birds have the ability to fly away if opportunity presents a door cage to be open. I always knew that he would find a way to get out of the cage. Now, at the realization that he was actually walking away without looking back… he was walking away and leaving me behind without even looking back… aya… My chest is starting to ache again…

                "Sorry! Sorry! It was just a joke," I called out as I hastened my own steps 

                He continued to look ahead, ignoring me, obviously still peeved.

                "Ne, Yun-chan… I'm glad to be spending some time alone together just like old days," I said quietly in a serious tone, before letting out a melodramatic sigh, "Even though it's just a consolation date," with that, I reached out and tugged childishly on his sleeve, "Ne, you ARE treating, right?"

                "Idiot," He muttered, keeping his eyes looking ahead. But despite of himself, a small smile managed to escape to his lips

                "YATTA!!! LUCKY!!!" I cheered out loud as I threw my hands in the air before playfully lunging at him to cling on his arm, "YUN-CHAN DAI-SU-KI!!!"

                "AAAAH! Stop it! You're making a scene!" Yun-chan cried out in annoyance as he started to peel me off his arm, in vain.

                Though what I said earlier wasn't a joke. It really did feel good to be able to spend time with him just like old days. The opportunity rarely presented itself since Yun-chan moved out from Shi-chan's house since he started attending his undergraduate program in University. He hasn't moved back to live in any of the Souma properties ever since. Not even on a temporary basis. 

                Initially he started out in residency at an all-boys dormitory. Then, he moved into various affordable student-rate apartments around the campus as soon as he secured regular income from various odd private tutoring jobs and as a teaching assistant to his mentor at the University. Aya-chan offered to take him in once, but Yun-chan refused without hesitation. I caught him mumbling something about him rather enduring worse fates than death…

                Back then, I didn't really fully understand why Yun-chan was driven to do what he did after high school. It was expected that he would be offered various academic scholarships based on his performance in high school and the college entrance examinations. But it was completely unexpected that he would actually accept one of them.  After all, the Souma Family could afford to send him to any program or any University of his choice regardless of his academic standing. 

Yun-chan's academic gifts were not a secret. So it was also expected from him to shine and be noticed. In fact, one of his professors almost immediately took Yun-chan under his wing as his prodigy. What was completely unexpected was Yun-chan's decision to use his gifts as means to independently support himself. From the private tutoring and the teaching assistant position when he was an undergraduate… In fact, that those connections facilitated his automatic hiring as a part-time research assistant to his mentor's other work as soon as he finished his undergraduate program. His Professor was doing some research for the Department of Agriculture. 

With the help of his mentor's recommendation and another series of scholarship grants, Yun-chan was able to pursue his post-graduate studies unhindered. Now, he was finishing the final year of his doctorate studies, already with a position waiting for him as a full-time member of his mentor's team of scientists. I heard Aya-chan proudly bragging that Yun-chan was probably one of the youngest graduates of that University to get his doctorate… with honours.

In simple words, Yun-chan persistently pursued his dream without touching a single yen from the Souma Family. Of course being one of the few people "in" on the secret, I know exactly the reason why he did it. All the more, I can't help but admire his dedication and determination to reach a goal… since he had been planning this for so long. He really is amazing…

Compared to me…

                After all the declarations, persistence, and determination I invested in my own cause, I ended up empty handed because I didn't realistically think that far ahead. I always thought that I would be a bride at twenty-two, and a loving wife and a mother of two beautiful children by age twenty-five. But here I am now, twenty-seven, still single, frustrated, frantic, and practically an old maid. After I finished college, and still haven't won Kyou-kun's affections… I ended up in limbo situation. I ended up working an office job for Momi-chan's father's company. I took it initially just to pass time until Kyou-kun finally came to his senses… Tooru-kun even ended up working with me for a while, after she graduated high school. Of course, that was before she found another job at a non-Souma related company. 

Heh… looking back at it now… it was obvious that Yun-chan wasn't the only person who was doing all the planning…

                The dim lighting of the restaurant played with his with his delicate features as we waited for our order, ignoring the hushed whispers and jealous glances from the other tables. I suppose it was something to be expected when you walk into a place with someone like Yun-chan. And to the casual observer, we did look more like a couple on a date. I couldn't help but wonder in amusement how Tooru-kun handled this when she goes out in public with him.

                "Ne, Yun-chan, how did the apartment go?" I finally asked before taking a sip from the cup of sake in my hands

                His face automatically brightened as he started to talk animatedly, "We went last week. She loved it, so I we settled the lease on the spot. We're moving in as soon as the old occupants move out in May."

                "It seems like everything is all set. You're graduating in May, and your ceremony is on June," I stated, trying hard to keep any hint of bitterness from lacing my voice, "All that's missing now is New Year's." 

One week from now.

                One week for now was the crossroad that will determine which path Yun-chan will be forced to take. Everyone knows from past history how huge the risk is involved. Maybe that's the reason why Yun-chan and Tooru-kun had to do that secret that we now all share… until the New Year. It's funny how a trip to the local registry with four witnesses, several legal documents and a blank form can complicate one's life. 

Only God knows how much I wished my life would become complicated like that…

                "Scared?" 

                He didn't reply at first. He simply looked down and swirled the contents of his own cup, deep in contemplation for a few moments, before slowly nodding his head. He finally looked up with a serious and determined expression on his face, "I'm going to face him to let him know it as a formality, not to ask permission."

                I nodded my head silently as I reached out across the table for him. 

                "And he can't do anything about it. I'm no longer a minor, I've been on my own since I was eighteen, and at least legally… I'm no longer a Souma," He continued out loud, more for his own benefit, as he took my hand and accepted my reassuring squeeze, "And Honda-san will be going on an out of town trip with Uotani-san and Hanajima-san for the New Year. So everything will be all right."

                "Everything will be all right," I echoed reassuringly before flashing him a bright smile, "After New Year, you won't need to keep it a secret anymore. You and Tooru-kun can finally spend your new life together... and you can finally openly use your new legal name…EXCEPT for one thing."

                "What?"

                "You HAVE to stop calling her 'Honda-san'," I can't help wrinkling my nose in disgust, "It's just plain weird, specially with your circumstances now!"

                "I guess you have a point there," He agreed sheepishly

                "Well then, lets have a toast!" I proposed as I let go of his hand to refill our tiny sake cups. I raised mine in the air enthusiastically, "To the New Year and your new life… Honda Yuki-sensei! KAMPAI!"

                "Kampai," Yun-chan replied in a more reserved tone, but he raised his cup and clinked it with mine anyway

                "Yun-chan, everything will be all right."

                His reply was a small sad smile as he brought his cup to his lips. 

Who exactly were we kidding? Despite the hopeful masks we're wearing, we're not so naïve, most specially Yun-chan, who already had first-hand experience of Akito-san's wrath. But love can give you the strength to overcome all forms of obstacles… even facing your greatest fear.

But still… 

"HAAAA!!! It's raining!" I cried out in despair as we exited the restaurant

"Well, it's only drizzling now… but it looks like its been raining a bit when we were inside, so be careful…" Yun-chan commented as he looked over the puddles pooling on the sides of the street by the sidewalk, "I'll go and hail you a taxi."

"Hai! Thank you very much!" I replied gratefully

But still…

Even if Yun-chan and Tooru-kun escapes unscathed on the battle they have to face on New Year's… even though Akito-san no longer has any legal jurisdiction over Yun-chan… even though Yun-chan has already proven that he can stand on his own feet without any help from us… 

Akito-san can still disinherit him.

If Akito-san orders so… none of us has Yun-chan's strength to disobey his wishes. It would mean that none of us would be able to openly see Yun-chan and Tooru-kun ever again. This could be very well the last time Yun-chan and I would be spending time together like this. 

The metaphorical box started to shake violently again. But this time, the ache in my chest burst into searing pain. My vision of Yun-chan unsuccessfully trying to hail a cab from the sidewalk started to blur. I felt my strength quickly drain from my body as I stumbled to hang on tightly to Yun-chan's arm.

"Kagura?" Yun-chan looked at me again with that worried expression

"Sorry! I'm fine!" I replied weakly, forcing another smile on my face, as I desperately searched my mind for a lame excuse, "I think it's the sake. I seemed to have overestimated my tolerance. But I'm fine now." I took a step away from him and waved my arms in the air enthusiastically to prove my point, "SEE? GENKI-GENKI!!!"

                It was as if the goddesses of the fates were playing a big prank on us. That same moment, a big delivery truck sped by, causing the mother of all rainwater tidal waves to wash over us.

                For a few moments, we simply stood there, staring and blinking silently at each other in surprise like two drowned rats... pun not intended. I burst out in hysterical laughter as Yun-chan buried his face in one hand in his exasperation.

                "Come on," He sighed as he started the short trek toward his apartment building, "Hatori will kill me if I send you home in those wet clothes. I think Hon---Tooru left some clothes in my place."

                I raised an eyebrow and automatically put on an impish grin, "Oooooooooh! Tooru-kun's clothes!"

                "I'm leaving you behind," He said blandly, and emphasized his threat by quickening his pace

                "Hai! Hai! I'm shutting up now!"

                To be quite honest, I was a little relieved with the unexpected extension with our time together. I should feel guilty inconveniencing him like this. After all, he was due to pick up Tooru-kun in an hour or two. But strangely enough… I don't feel anything at all… except an odd sense of excitement.

                It was a full moon. It shone in its full glory tonight. Its bright ethereal glow casted a mysterious shadow over its land bound subjects below, making everything to look hazy and surreal… then again it could just be my alcohol-fogged-up mind. 

"Ne, Yun-chan…" I began quietly

"What?"

"Remember the New Year when you and Haru danced?" 

He frowned, "Oh, God… why did you have to bring that up. I don't even remember half of what happened that night anymore."

It was a little tradition our age group did together after the Jyuunishi party for as long as I could remember. It originally started out as own party for Kyou-kun since he wasn't allowed to attend the real one. Of course, when Yun-chan started to reluctantly join us on the year we danced together, Kyou-kun's participation started to became sparse. It took all of Haru, Momi-chan and myself to get him to come and stay. 

Well, anyway… after the Jyuunishi party… myself, Kyou-kun, Yun-chan, Isuzu, Haru-chan, and Momi-chan would get together to do our own New Year's party. We usually ended up doing crazy dares that the adults have become quite weary of us. 

That year, Isuzu dared Haru-chan to sneak into Shi-chan's room and steal some of his cigarettes. Of course, it wasn't until later on that we found out that the stash that Haru-chan stole were not 'cigarettes'.  Needless to say, it was probably quite a sight to see all six of us. Giggling uncontrollably, and stoned stupid.

"Well… we probably would have gotten away with it if Momi-chan didn't start running around the garden naked, babbling about seeing God trying to steal Aunt Keiko's car…" I reminded him with a giggle, "Oh God! Mother was so furious! I thought I was going to be grounded for life!"

Despite of himself, Yun-chan also let out an amused laugh at the memory, "Did Shigure ever get in trouble for that?"

"I don't know. But knowing Shi-chan, he probably managed to erase all traces of evidence linking the incident to him," I replied, making a disgusted face

The chilly evening breeze blew short gusts at our direction. I let out an undignified sneeze that prompted Yun-chan to give me another worried look. I simply gave him a reassuring smile. Without another word, he slung one arm around me and pulled me closer in a protective embrace. His own wet clothes wasn't much help, but I gratefully welcomed and let the heat radiating from his body engulf me. My treacherous heart started to increase its pace despite how many times my mind reminded it whose arm around me belongs to.  It started to become harder to breathe even though my mind reminded my lungs that this is just generously borrowed time.

/Nee-chan/ 

"Ne, Yun-chan… do you remember that time? When I carried you home?"

/Can I tell you a secret?/

"You did?" I could sense him frowning as he searched his mind for the memory, "Yeah… but very vaguely… I think. Why?"

/What?/

The searing pain shot through me again, and I unconsciously clutched my chest as I suddenly found myself at total loss when the realization finally hit me.

"Kagura? What is it?"

Even though my mind kept on reminding me of the way things are supposed to be… 

"Iie… it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

…it seems now that my heart didn't really care.

/Kagura-neechan…/

The only thing that mattered right now is the way I feel his warmth as his arms wrapped around my neck… the way he held on to me, as if afraid that I would fall. For a moment, I thought I heard the faint tinkling of tiny bells with each step we took as the full moon continued to shine its mysterious ethereal glow over its land-bound subjects below.

/…I love you./       

TO BE CONTINUED…


	4. Chapter 3

Fruits Basket and all its characters belong to Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

October 27, 2002 (revised December 8, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori: Chapter Three

By Ina-chan

What do you do, pray tell?

When it goes too far, this spell

How do you put together

Broken pieces of a platter

That fell and clattered

On the ground it shattered

As we danced and danced and danced

~~*@*~~

                The full moon was still shining brightly, its light contrasting against the luminous glow of the numbers on my digital wristwatch.                

                17:45.

                Damn!

                My lungs are ready to explode as it is as I forced an extra burst of energy to my legs, spurring them to move faster… well as fast as my wooden sandals would allow me.  I would have breathed a sigh of relief as the path leading to his house came to view, if I could. I started to feel hopeful since I did not see a familiar figure sitting patiently by the open engawa. If he's not waiting, then its possible that he's not ready yet. Please let him be not ready yet… Please let him be not ready yet… The moment the elevated flooring was on reach, I leaned on it and took the opportunity to catch my breath.

A shadow fell over me, as a slender figure stepped out of the open sliding doors, blocking the indoor lights.

Damn! Damn!

I slowly looked up, only to find his expressionless face meeting my sheepish grin. Without another word he held out a cool glass of water for me then proceeded to sit down on the edge of the elevated wooden surface to silently slip on his own sandals over his socked feet.

                I gulped down the liquid to moisten my parched throat before attempting with my apologies. /Sorry, sorry… I had a small errand to run before I came home from school. And of course, you can't rush a girl getting ready, right?/

                My light chatter was only met by his unnerving silence. As soon as he finished with his footwear, he stood up and started to walk down the path to the direction where the others were. Now I know that he's really angry. I set down my glass on the engawa before hastily running after him. 

                /Slow down, it's hard to keep up with you with these sandals!/ I called out as I grabbed his arm and gently tugged at it to slow down. At fifteen, Yun-chan had finally gotten a sudden growth spurt. He was only several centimetres taller than me now, but for some strange reason… he seemed to have gained more on the legs, as his strides seemed to had become longer, further, and harder to keep up… specially when he's briskly walking with silent fury. 

/Mou! Yun-chan! I know that I'm an hour and forty-five minutes late. I said I was sorry already! And its not like everyone will start the fireworks without us./ 

                To my relief, he slowed down a little bit. /Why were you late?/ 

He stated the question in that quiet and unemotional almost whisper that always sent chills down my spine. I really hate it when Yun-chan is seriously mad like this. It almost seems as if he's a completely different person. When he's seriously angry, it's almost as if he transforms into Akito-san himself. Of course, he's never cruel… but hearing the same voice… seeing the same expression… the same eyes… it's still pretty unnerving. Though frankly, I'm not even sure what he's so angry about.

/I told you already, I had to run an important errand after school./ 

/For that long?/

/Well, I didn't realize that the detour will take me that long to travel back./

/What kind of errand was it?/

/Well, unlike some people I know who are smart enough so that they don't need cram school to help pass the high school entrance examinations, there are regular persons in the world who needs an extra boost./

/Cram school…/

                /Haaa… it seemed like yesterday I was struggling with my own high school entrance examinations… then I have to go through it all over again next year for the college entrance examinations! It's just not fair! It's difficult to see Kyou-kun as it is already!/

                He suddenly stopped walking, causing me crash onto him.

                /Yun-chan, wha---/

                /You were late because you went to see him?/

                /Well, it is the first day of cram school. I though I would just drop by to give him some moral support…/ I let out a long and depressed sigh, /Aaaaah, my poor Kyou-kun. Sou, sou… I understand his pain. Missing out with the fun of spending time with us because of it. But I'm glad he's enthusiastic about his future! He wanted to go to cram school today so badly that he…/

                I heard him let out a long shaky breath before starting to walk away in that same brisk manner, leaving me behind to babble at thin air. 

                /Yun-chan?/ 

I called out after him as I struggled to keep up with him once again. He completely ignored me and continued on. This time, he made no indication of slowing down. Indescribable ire immediately started to bubble from within me as realization finally hit me.

/Mou!/

 Sometimes, that damn mouse can be so damn stubborn an annoying! I kicked off my sandals and ran after him ready to give him a good smack to knock some sense into that thick, selfish head of his. I managed to grab his sleeve to force him to stop and face me. He kept his eyes hidden under his bangs, refusing to meet my eyes. I tightened my hold grasp on his sleeves, trying to control my fists from flying wildly. Why this little… spoiled… BRAT!

/YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE OF THAT!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE SO SELFISH!!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DICTATE OR MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY WITH WHO I SPEND MY TIME WITH!!!/ 

/Then at least don't talk about him when you're supposed to be spending time with me./ was his simple, calm and quiet reply. 

Taken aback by his unexpected response, I immediately let go and took an involuntary step backwards. Memories of his drug-induced confession a little two New Years ago came flooding back into my mind. He never said anything more about it since then, so I always assumed that it was one of those spur of the moment incidents. 

Iie… 

It was actually more because I refused to acknowledge it… and confront him about it. And knowing Yun-chan, he's always been timid with facing serious kinds of confrontations… so would always find a way to avoid or diffuse them, so he wouldn't have to go through it. It's like some kind of instinctive self-preservation mechanism instilled within him.  Suddenly, it's become clear why he let this tiff with Kyou-kun has dragged on for so long. A pang of guilt shot through me at the realization that I was partly to blame for it… 

That moment of remorse was probably the reason why I didn't notice the sudden irregular change in pattern in his breathing right away. My eyes widened as I saw him take that familiar posture in his attempt to compensate for his tightening airways. 

/Yun-chan…/ I began worriedly as I reached out for him. Shock and anger coursed through me again as I was forced to step back again, feeling the sharp sting on my hand as he slapped me away. He continued to keep his head turned away, refusing to look at me. I could only stare at him, speechless. 

Save for the times he hit Kyou-kun back in self-defense, Yun-chan has NEVER raised his hand at anyone. Even so, this was still so unfair. Why is he being so selfish? Fighting against the tears of frustration pooling in my eyes, I made one more attempt to get close to him. 

/WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!! STOP THIS NONSENSE AND LET ME HELP YOU!!!/

He straightened up in one quick motion. As if the very air around him reacted violently to his action, I felt myself being pushed away by some invisible force. I can only watch him silently, still frozen, as if under some strange spell. 

Under the same full moon, similar to the one when he whispered his honest and childlike words of love, he stood and looked at me. His lips stretching into an angry thin line… his hair reacting to the sudden gust of wind created by the sudden movement of his sleeves… his gentle grey eyes, hardening and narrowing into the identical shape of that other person we feared. His voice was soft and almost silent, but it rang clear… as if he was saying it directly into my mind. 

                /Thank you for your assistance./

Under the same full moon, I felt for the first and last time, a small taste of the sting of his hate.

                "Kagura? Are you okay in there?" Yun-chan's voice and knocking brought me out of my reverie

                "Yes!" I called out to him through the washroom door, as I wrapped a towel tightly around me, "Where do I hang my clothes to dry?"

                "Tooru normally hangs them by the balcony, but it started to pour again. We can probably hang it over the heater or something," His voice started to fade slightly as I heard his steps walking away from the door, "Did you find Tooru's clothes?"

                "Y-yes," I replied a little hesitantly, "but they kind of… don't fit…"

                "Eh? Indulging too much on those cookies during coffee break?" 

                I felt my left eyebrow twitch involuntarily, his light banter uncomfortably hitting a little too close to home. I slammed the door open in annoyance, hands in hips, ready to put him in his place, "Well, its not my fault that God did not grant all women with the same amount of assets!"

                "Hai, hai," He replied patiently, as if talking to a child, while playfully draping neatly folded pieces of dry clothing on top of my head. He gently turned me around, pushed me back into the small washroom and closed the door behind me, "Just get dressed. If the neighbours see you unabashedly parading your assets from my window, they might get the wrong idea."

                "Mou!" I muttered in annoyance, more the fact that my brain couldn't find anything fast enough to counter his word.  

                The clothes he gave me were one of those long-sleeved pristine white polo shirts that he had taken the habit of wearing to sleep since he was a teen-ager, and a pair of running shorts. I stuck out my tongue in disgust as I caught sight of myself from the washroom sink mirror, highlighted by the dimmer than usual light emitting from the florescent light on the ceiling. The shirt hung over my legs, nearly reaching my knees. I had to roll the sleeves almost up to my elbows to keep it from falling over my hands. I don't understand why my co-workers always made comments about how their boyfriends think it's sexy when they wear their boyfriend's shirts to bed. No matter how I see it, it made me look like I'm an unflattering, shapeless, sack of potatoes! It's almost embarrassing for Yun-chan to see me in this…

                Heh?

                Since when did I care how Yun-chan saw me?

                "Kagura? Are you done? Don't tell me that my clothes don't fit you either…"

                WHY THAT LITTLE… He was going to PAY for that… 

                I sauntered huffily out of the door, ready to give him hell when his cell phone rang at the exact moment I opened my mouth. 

He gave the phone's luminous screen a quick glance before motioning me to wait with an apologetic look, "Sorry Kagura, I have to take this call." Almost instantly, Yun-chan demeanour switched into that professional air that Ha-niichan always carried. 

"Yes, Takada-san? Eh? The system crashed from the power surge? Do you need me to come over… No? Yes… I think I still have the back-up raw data from group FB-37," He craned his neck to hold the phone in position as he took his place behind the low table where his laptop rested.  He turned the computer on, slipped on his reading glasses, and inserted a zip disc he picked up from the neat pile on the table with quick, precise, and expert movements. He waited a few moments, his glasses reflecting the LCD screen in front of him, "Yes… I have it here. I can bring it to the lab first thing tomorrow morning if you need it. No, it's no trouble. Yes. I'll be there at around nine."

Seeing yet another side of him that I'm not familiar with, the earlier awful feeling of him moving forward and leaving me behind nagged at me again.

"I'm sorry," I said to him apologetically as I took a seat beside him

"For what?" He asked absent-mindedly, still focused on the work in front of him 

"For all that's been happening lately. First the storm, then me, and then your work… It's Christmas tomorrow, and I know how much you would have preferred to be with Tooru-kun than have to deal with all of this." 

"Hmm… well, it can't be helped. I'm still seeing her tomorrow anyway after I drop off the disc at the University."

The light drizzle quickly turned into a freak thunderstorm. Lightning struck one of the city's power generators, causing a power surge that pretty much immobilized everything. The dim lighting in Yun-chan's apartment was already indication that its tenants were using the building's emergency generators to the maximum. Outside, the trains have been running in below minimum capacity, making it almost impossible to find an available cab. It just started raining heavily making driving difficult so Yun-chan called the main house to let them know that I was spending the night with him. Tooru-kun, stranded from where she was, already found refuge in Hanajima-san's house, which was much closer compared to Yun-chan's apartment. He was supposed to pick her up tomorrow morning from Hanajima-san's place. 

It was strange. These string of coincidences, that is. It was as if the goddesses of the fates are weaving all these circumstances to prevent them from being together. 

"Ne, Yun-chan… I don't want to sound ungrateful, but… where am I going to sleep?"

Yun-chan's place was slightly bigger than most bachelor apartments in the city. It had its own toilet and shower, a small balcony, a small kitchenette, and a common space that serves as the living room, dining room and bedroom. Though it was probably sufficient living space for one person, it's still exactly what he described it. A cubicle. Even if the low table where we are seated in front of were to be moved to the side of the room, the sleeping space for two people would still be... rather… intimate. I unconsciously brought my arms around my chest as I felt my heart start to quicken its pace from the thought.

"I have an extra futon in the closet. Do you mind moving the table so I can lay them out?" He said as he got on his feet

"S-sure…" I answered uncertainly, a little taken aback as both feelings of relief and disappointment fought inside of me. I pushed the table aside then sat to watch him diligently arrange the beddings he pulled out from the closet onto the floor. Suddenly, a mischievous thought popped in my head. After all, I still needed to get revenge for that crack he made while I was in the washroom, "So… that extra futon... is it Tooru-kun's?"

A satisfied smile made its way to my lips as I saw him almost tumble to the floor, literally turning red to his ears from embarrassment.

"It's an EXTRA futon," he said aloud when he finally found his voice

"Hmmm… is that so. So if it's not Tooru-kun's then does that mean when she sleeps over, she sleeps in YOURS." 

"What is wrong with you today? Will you please stop poking at my private life with a stick?" Yun-chan stated irritably

"I can't help it! This is difficult for me too. I mean, knowing that Tooru-kun comes here often. I can't help but imagine her all over the place. Tooru-kun by the doorway, Tooru-kun in the balcony, Tooru- by the portable stove, Tooru-kun in the futon…" I paused dramatically, watching his reaction as I leaned on the table behind me and tilted my head up to strike a ridiculously over-emphasized seductive pose, "…Tooru-kun on the table…"

He looked at me blankly and blinked before turning away in mortification, obviously fighting against the image that I suggested in his head. "You know," he began in a low and dangerous tone, "The balcony is only two stories high, but a two story drop can still be very painful."

"Hai! Hai!" I replied submissively, seeing that I've reached the limit of my teasing. Though, feeling very smug and pleased with myself as I crawled and cocooned myself under its warm covers of the futon while he went about the room to turn off the lights. Despite of what he says, the faint scent of Tooru's favourite shampoo immediately assailed my senses. I closed my eyes as I braced myself from that awful reflexive wave of resentment that seemed to smash down on me lately. More often than I cared to admit. 

Yun-chan settled in his own futon beside me with a load groan, "Why did you have to go too far? Now I'll be thinking of her all night. I'll have a hard time trying to go to sleep."

"Are you sure that's the only HARD problem you have?" I intoned impishly, not being able to help myself

I immediately found myself raising my arms over my head in self-defense with a loud squeal as he started pelting me over and over with his pillow. I managed to sit up and pick up my own weapon. We engaged in a good-old-fashioned pillow fight until we both fell back on our futons, exhausted and giggling giddily like small children.

"Still, this is nice…" I managed to blurt out between gasps and giggles

"Hmmm?" 

"This," I stated as I leaned on elbow and turned to face him, "We haven't had a little sleep over like this since we were children. It's too bad that we can't invite the others to join us. It almost seemed like yesterday that we were teasing Momi-chan about his stuffed sleeping companion, trying to calm Haru-chan down when he accidentally wet his bed, Kyou-kun with his sulking in the corner, Isuzu with her truth or dare games, and you still had that big crush on…" I caught myself too late in mid-sentence. I lay back and closed my eyes, as I clasped my hands together over my chest, "I'm sorry…"

"About what?" He asked in that quiet tone of his

"It was entirely inappropriate to drag that out again," I stated uncomfortably, "It's unfair to Tooru-kun, after all."

"Don't be."

"What?" My eyes shot open at his words.

"Don't be sorry. I'm not. I never stopped loving you, Kagura-neechan."

"Yun-chan…" I sat up to face him, speechless and shocked beyond belief by his words, "What did you say?" 

He was still lying down, but from the poor light, I can see based from the glint reflecting on the lenses of his glasses that he was facing me. Slowly, he sat up and gave me small smile as he repeated his words, "I never stopped loving you, Kagura-neechan."

"Yun-chan… what about Tooru-kun?"

He put a finger over my lips with a soft 'shhhh', "It's alright. The one who's with me right now is Kagura-neechan."

All at once, with his words, I realized that I didn't care anymore. Even though this wasn't the moment that I always dreamed of, or fantasized… I didn't care anymore. Even though this was entirely wrong… I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to be loved. Even if it's not the person I dreamed of… I just wanted to be loved. There's nothing wrong with wanting that, right?

Right?

Soundlessly, I reached out and took the glasses off his face and set them on the floor beside me. His finger left my lips to caress my cheek, before leaning closer to claim my lips in a soft and innocent kiss. His simple act triggered to release all the pent up frustration that had been building up inside of me, so that the kiss immediately lost its innocence as I responded to it with ravenous desire. I worked on the buttons of my shirt as he continued his assault on my mouth. My fingers clumsily fumbled over them, so I pulled on the shirt in frustration until I heard, with great satisfaction, the buttons roll and clatter on the floor. I ran my hands over his arms and shoulders, tugging at his own clothing, but he caught my hands and gently pushed me down. I felt him lace his fingers into mine, holding them still over my head as he settled into a comfortable position over me. I closed my eyes and simply moaned helplessly, enjoying the sensations he caused as he rained my face… my lips… my throat with gentle butterfly kisses. Then his lips fell upon and slowly sucked on the sensitive spot on my neck…

…I couldn't help but let out a loud gasp as I sat up with a start. My eyes wandered around the unfamiliar surroundings, when I realized that I was still in Yun-chan's apartment. The room was still dark and was silent, save for the sound of my laboured breathing. My hands automatically went to my shirt to find the buttons still on it, unmolested. I ran my hands over my hair, as my eyes started to adjust in the darkness. Yun-chan's glasses glinted in the moonlight as it sat properly in its open case on top of the low table at the corner of the room. I instinctively turned towards and reached out for the futon beside me, only to find it empty and neat… giving no sign whatsoever that was even used. I lay back in my futon with a soft thump.

It was just a dream.

All at once, shame started to build up inside of me. What is wrong with me? It was one thing to remember forgotten memories of affection from him… but having an erotic dream about him was an entirely different matter. I couldn't help but feel that I've betrayed Yun-chan and Tooru-kun… 

…and Kyou-kun.

"It was just a dream." I said aloud in a soft shaky whisper, trying to convince myself that I did nothing wrong

It didn't help. The apartment's small space started feel like it was getting even smaller. I needed some fresh air. I struggled out of my futon and made my way to the balcony. It was only then that I noticed the slightly opened glass sliding door. 

It was a full moon tonight. The storm had apparently stopped and the skies cleared, allowing the bright moon to show her face, along with the millions of stars that accompanied her. I saw his figure standing at the far end of the balcony, his head leaning to one side, as if admiring the nighttime view. Noiselessly slid the door fully open and started to step outside.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Yun-chan's soft voice filtered in the air 

I froze with a start, completely not expecting that he would immediately sense me. I opened my mouth to answer…

"No, everything's fine. I meant to call you early in the morning, but I wanted to hear your voice now.  No… Do I joke about things like that?" He continued on before I could utter even a single word.

I quickly took a step back inside and hid on the other side of the balcony door.

"Well, yes… there's some trouble at work from the power surge, but it shouldn't get in the way, I'll still be able pick you up at eleven… It's no trouble, don't worry about it." 

I let out a long sigh. This was stupid! Why the heck am I hiding like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar? I know it was rude to walk into a private conversation between him and Tooru-kun, but there was no need to react like this? 

"Kagura? I think she's fine for the time being. Yeah, she's sleeping inside." 

I was about to walk back to bed when I froze upon hearing him utter my name. I really should have simply walked away, but for some strange reason, I just can't get myself to move.

"I know… I'm getting worried too. No, she still won't say anything. She's still covering it up, but I think she's getting worse."

Getting worse? I couldn't help but frown at that. What the hell is he talking about?

"I'll talk to Hatori tomorrow when he comes to pick her up early in the morning. Yes, I'm staying with her to make sure she's okay. I know how it feels… I did some crazy things to myself back when I was badly depressed like this."

                Stay with me to make sure I'm okay? Depressed? So that's how it was after all. It really was just a "consolation date". 

                "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

I silently stepped into the balcony and slowly made my way toward him, then stopped just inches away from where he was standing. I couldn't help but let out a silent sarcastic laugh. He was so engrossed with his phone conversation with HER that he couldn't even sense me breathing on his back.

"I love you too."

                The metaphorical box started to shake violently again. Whatever was inside was struggling to get inside was winning the battle. To be quite honest, at this point, I didn't care anymore. I didn't to even make any more effort to try to hold the lid down.

                I felt him freeze in surprise as I suddenly pressed myself against his back my hands resting lightly on his hips, as soon as he hung up, "Kagura?  What are you doing?"

                "Ne, Yun-chan…" I began as I slowly inched my hands up on his back, "… would things have been different back then if…" and slowly around his chest, "…you never met Tooru-kun…" and tightened it into a firm embrace, "…and I fell in love with you instead?"

                He effortlessly twisted out of my grasp and guided me inside. All the while, still holding me away at arms-length, "Kagura, what's going on? Tell me what's bothering you."

                And the box…

                "Nothing is wrong with me," I replied as I struggled against his firm grip

                …continued to shake violently…

                "The Kagura I know would never do anything to hurt Tooru!"

                …and the lid…

                "Yun-chan, please," I whined pathetically, "Please don't mention that name when you're with me."

                …quavered precariously…

                "KAGURA!" He held on my shoulders firmly and shook me… as if trying to shake me back into my senses, "TOORU IS MY WIFE!"

                …and fell.

                I buried my hands into my hair, fell on my knees, and let out a loud pained scream. Why? Why!? WHY!!!? I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to be loved. Why can't I have any of that? From the corner of my, I could see him standing there, watching me helplessly, totally unsure of what to do. 

Yuki used to be just like me, hopeful and chasing a dream to attain that impossible happiness. But Yuki was happy now. Yuki had moved forward and left me behind. Yuki found his happiness with her and left me behind. Why did it happen? Why did it happen like this? What is this that I'm feeling? Why is it that all I could feel was this brimming, gushing stream of hate and loathing? I can't stand seeing that happy face of his. He doesn't understand. He can't understand. He won't understand until that happiness is taken away from him. I'll make him understand. I'll make him feel this hurt of being left behind. I just wanted someone to hurt the same way I do.

"Did you really believe that the two of you are going to work? What a joke." I began scathingly with a vicious laugh. I looked up and shot him a venomous look as I slowly got on my feet, "And you know exactly the reason why this marriage is doomed from the start, don't you?" 

He didn't reply, he simply stood there and stared at me.

"It's the reason why you squirm and writhe in embarrassment every time I bring it up… the reason why she admitted that you haven't made love yet after all this time… it's because you can't. You can't do it! You can't hold her in your arms, can you? It's impossible for you to hold her in your arms so you can FUCK HER!" 

He still didn't say anything, or do anything. But I could see the silent hurt in his eyes when I spat out those words to him. Something in the back of my mind begged me to stop. Seeing this now, I wanted to stop… but I couldn't. It was like trying to stop a bullet train with your bare hands.

"Tell me Yuki… tell me what is so great about her?" I continued icily as I started to walk toward him again, "Tell me why is it, despite knowing what you know… why do you still love her so much. I need to understand why her? Why her and not me? I've known him longer. I've loved him longer than her… but… tell me why did he still choose her? Why did YOU still choose her knowing that you can't hold her like this?" He didn't resist when I took his limp arms and wrapped them around me, "Knowing that she can never hold you like this," I ran my own hands up on his arms and around his shoulders, "Knowing that she can never touch you like this," I leaned up close to him, standing on my toes. I paused, feeling his breath mingle with mine before moving forward to claim his lips.

Without warning, he turned his face away and held me so tight that I could barely breathe. I could only let him hold me in his warmth and feel his breath whisper in my ear, "Kagura… I'm glad that you were able to finally say it out loud… But you're saying this to the wrong person."

With that, he suddenly let go and walked away from me. I watched him numbly as he pulled out his cell phone and started dialling.

"Hatori?" He finally spoke, in a very calm voice, after a few silent moments, "Yes, I know what time it is. I was just wondering if it's okay with you to pick up Kagura a little earlier… Now… would be a good time… No, nothing happened… No… I just think it's not a good idea for the two of us to be in the same room right now… No… No… I don't know… Are you coming or what? I'll see you then."

He took a deep sigh before turning back to me. His voice was calm, quiet, and emotionless… and he refused to meet my eyes, "Hatori's coming to take you home in a few minutes. Please don't leave before he gets here." With that, he made his way into the washroom, and closed the door behind him, the lock echoing with a loud click.  

Only then I found the strength to uproot myself from where I was standing to chase him. I pressed myself against the door and heard the undeniable sound of silent sobbing. My own tears started to flood my eyes, as the pain in my chest that radiated up in my throat forced me to fall on my knees.  

Oh God, what have I done? 

What have I done?

"Yun-chan…" I called out in a hoarse whisper, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."

                But it no matter how much I apologize, I already knew that it didn't matter. I let the lid off from that metaphorical box, and the monsters that were struggling to get out were set free. Now, I can only watch helplessly, as they destroyed everything and everyone I love and hold dear…

TO BE CONTINUED…


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

October 31, 2002 (Revised Dec. 8 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori : Chapter Four

By Ina-chan

As it starts to calm its fury

We finally realize it fully

The undeniable need

For a raging tempest's speed

For one thing to be born

Another has to be torn

While we danced and danced and danced

~~*@*~~

                /UAAAAAAAA!!!!/  I couldn't help letting out a cry of admiration at the view around me. The lake's calm waters lapped at the sides of the rowboat as it carried us in its gentle rocking motion. I knew that the lake here in the summerhouse already looked beautiful, seeing its panorama from the shore. But seeing this world from its centre… it was definitely a different and exhilarating experience. I sank back on my seat, enjoying the peaceful feeling that the calm waters brought with it. 

From the shore in the distance, I could hear the faint sound of Momi-chan's voice calling out to us. I turned toward him to return his enthusiastic waving. Haru-chan stood quietly beside him, a safe distance away from Momi-chan's dangerous flapping. Haru-chan still looked a little peeved at the fact that the boat can only hold two people at the time. And he lost the janken pyon game to have a chance to go around the lake with Yun-chan first. 

This weekend trip to the summerhouse to end Golden Week was definitely the best idea Shi-chan had ever come up with. It was just too bad that we couldn't convince Kyou-kun to come along, despite all our efforts together. Haaaa! It was so unfair. After Golden Week, the new school term will start. Then Kyou-kun will be entering senior high school soon, and poor me will be in my final year and having to face the dreaded college entrance examinations. I would have loved seeing this view with Kyou-kun before that… though I know that was probably an impossible dream by itself… knowing how well Kyou-kun got along with water.

DAMN! I'm doing it again! 

I stole a glance at my silent companion, and let out a sigh of relief, seeing the equally astonished look of admiration on his face.

 Good, he didn't notice. 

It was so difficult to be around Yun-chan lately. Being around him was like walking on eggshells. Specially with that matter that happened two months ago still hanging over everyone's heads… I heard bits and stories here and there. But everyone who knew exactly what happened was tight-lipped about it. Even Yun-chan pretended that it never happened at all. But still… Though he still looked a bit pallid and a bit gaunter than usual, there was almost no indication that he was released from the hospital only a little over three weeks ago. 

Actually, the recent events seemed to have gone in his favour. Though, I was a bit surprised at the arrangements. Akito-san allowed him to enter that co-ed public school that Yun-chan wanted to go to. Not only that, he was also allowed to move out of the main house to live with Shi-chan. It would be naïve to pretend that this arrangement had nothing to do with what happened two months ago. Though personally, I didn't like the direction my own presumption was heading. It would only confirm the rumours as truth. I simply didn't want to believe that Yun-chan would do anything like that.

/If you had a choice on what Jyunnishi animal you would be cursed with, what would it be?/ His quiet monotone voice finally broke the silence

/Eh? I don't really know. I never really thought of it./ I replied honestly after a few moments. It was the truth. The thought never really occurred to me. I admit, there are times when I do wish that I wasn't born cursed, but I never really gave the idea of being different from who I am now any serious thought.

/I think I would have liked to be the bird/ He simply stated.

I couldn't help but frown at that, /The bird? But Yun-chan, the mouse is special./

/The mouse is special… perhaps…/ He echoed as he lifted his chin, looking at the clear blue sky above. 

I can't help noticing the eerie empty quality in his eyes. Lately, they've been blank and lifeless. Sometimes, it even looks as if he's seeing something that only he can see. Like now, /But at least… the bird has the choice of using his wings to fly out of the cage when the opportunity arrives./

/Yun-cha…/ I began, not really liking what I'm hearing. He changed. This person sitting in front of me… this impostor replaced the timid little boy who would cling on to my sleeves to ask for reassurance.  Something happened… something I don't know and don't understand happened… and it changed him. 

/Ne, Kagura-neechan… can I ask you a favour?/ He interrupted, looking back at me

I could only give a silent nod in reply.

He pulled out a small leather-bound journal from the pockets of his coat and held it out to me. I took it from his hands wordlessly and opened it. Its pristine blank pages reflected the glare of the sky. I raised my eyebrow to meet his gaze. 

/What is this?/

He didn't say anything or do anything. He simply sat there and stared at me, silently watching. I gave him a nervous smile as I turned my attention back to the journal and backtracked on its empty pages until I reached the very first page. There it was, in his neat and perfect calligraphy. 

It was a simple poem. 

Despite its simplicity, the poet's emotions carried through each word that I couldn't stop the tears that formed behind my eyes. I quickly shut the book, not being able to bear looking at the words any longer. I knew all at once who wrote it. Yun-chan was never the type of person who is able to express his emotions freely. So I know how much love and effort… and courage he had to muster to be able to create this simple piece of verse. 

/It's beautiful/ I managed to whisper hoarsely, trying to regain my composure

/Do you want it?/ He asked monotonously, the full weight of his question bearing down at me

I let out another sob and wiped away another round of tears falling down my face at his words. Why is he doing this? I already made it more than clear enough a long time ago that this isn't what I wanted from him. I just wanted us to be like how we were back in that New Year when we first danced together. The fragile little boy who was small for his age with sad eyes who would frown at me to say 'Ah! Kagura-neechan, you're late.' I just wanted that old Yun-chan back. I wanted the little brother that I never had.

With a long shaky breath, I bowed my head and handed the journal back to him, /I'm sorry… I can't accept this./

/Why not?/ It was his quiet and emotionless voice. After all, he already knew my reply beforehand

/Because this is the type of thing that you're supposed to give to the woman that you will love forever, the kind of woman who will love you back./ 

/Why not?/ His voice was still quiet and emotionless, but I could sense the intensity of his insistence to force me to say the reason out loud.

I ground my teeth and finally raised my head to meet his eyes, /Because its very difficult to love you that way./

/I see… it's very difficult to love me,/ He echoed, quietly. The breeze blew chilly gusts of air around us, his hair dancing along with it, framing his unemotional face. He met my gaze with silence, watching me intently with blank unemotional eyes, before closing them and bowing his head to allow a small sardonic smile to line his lips, /…but it's easy to love Kyou./

/Why are you doing this? Why are you forcing me to choose between the two of you?/ I buried my face helplessly into my hands, / I don't want this. Why can't you understand that I don't want this from you? I never wanted this from you. I just want us to be just how we were before. I just want my old Yun-chan back. Please come back, Yun-chan. Please./

/Ne, Kagura…/ He spoke again

I couldn't help but frown. This is the first time he called me with just my first name. 

 /Would you have cried over me two months ago if I died?/

/What!?/ I automatically lifted my face him. 

He still had on that uncanny smile as he leaned backwards. I could only gawk in silent shock as I watched the dark frigid waters swallow his body below. The water rocked violently in annoyance at the sudden disturbance of their serenity for a few moments, before settling as if what had just transpired never happened. It was only then that my numbed body was able to receive the commands from my shocked brain as a loud scream tore from my throat…

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!?" 

I literally jumped out of my skin as the scream rang through the soundless corridors of the Main House. I closed my eyes and covered my ears, knowing exactly what had just transpired.  

One hour ago, this year's Jyuunishi party ended. I didn't have the chance or the courage to face Yun-chan or Tooru-kun with what happened the week before. I'm sure that Yun-chan didn't tell anyone, Tooru-kun, most specially. But Tooru-kun being Tooru-kun, she could sense an uncomfortable lump caused by a pea under a hundred mattresses. And Tooru-kun being Tooru-kun, she tried her best to straighten out any problems to the best of her ability. Tooru was the first and only close friend I ever had outside the Jyuunishi circle. It felt absolutely horrible shutting her off like this… but there's just no way I can face her. 

Not after what I said and what I've done to Yun-chan… 

…to the both of them… 

I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when she left for her New Year's trip with her friends. Of course, it was just temporary. She was, after all, just half of the problem of the entire picture. 

Whether Yun-chan hated me or forgave me… he gave no indication of it whatsoever. I even made futile non-verbal attempts during our dance. Again, he gave no indication of either understanding or acknowledging any of my signals. All throughout the party, he didn't show me any of his normal warmth… but he didn't show me any of his notorious icy enmity either. He was the picture of perfect civility. For some reason, the treatment of this courteous and polite Yun-chan was ten times more painful than the temporary sub-zero hostile treatment he used to give me after one of our bad fights when we were younger. 

Just fifteen minutes ago, Yun-chan was finally granted private audience with Akito-san. I know for sure that Shi-chan, Ha-niichan, and Aya-chan would be standing nearby… just in case. Momi-chan and Ha-chan were not far behind. I wanted to be there with them. I wanted to be there for him as well… 

But after all that was said and done, would he still want me to? 

That was the reason why I was standing here in the shadows of the corner of a nearby corridor from Akito-san's waiting room. 

Aunt Keiko's black and grey tabby wandered towards my hiding place and stopped in curiosity as it found an unusual obstacle situated there. I sat on my haunches and held my hand out to it… desperate for any form of company. Instead, the cat froze and watched me with suspicious eyes. Stupid cat. I wasn't going to hurt it. I just wanted to give it a small affectionate pat. So I quickly leaned forward to grab it and hold it in my arms. However, it twisted and howled and scratched to get free from my grasp, then ran through the darkness of the corridor. Leaving me once again, to be alone, hiding in this corridor to nervously wait for the results of this moment of truth... 

Waiting… 

…waiting… 

…waiting…

…for Akito-san's indignant screams

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!? WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE YOU DOING??!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?!!"

…for the sounds of a struggle and a loud crash

"AKITO-SAN! CALM DOWN!"

"SHIGURE LET ME GO!!! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING TO STOP HIM!!!!" 

"WATCH OUT!"

"YUKI!"

…for the sounds of simultaneous yelling of various voices accompanied by scrambling feet.

"WHY ISN'T ANYONE DOING ANYTHING TO STOP HIM!?!"

"CALM DOWN AKITO-SAN!"

"OH MY GOD!!! TORI-SAN HE'S BLEEDING!!!"

I leaned back against the wall for support as my cousins' panicked voices still reached me despite my covered. Images of what Akito-san did in the past during his bursts of rage flashed in my mind's eye. Ha-niichan… Kisa-chan… Isuzu…

"HATORI STOP HIM!!!! STOP HIM!!! STOP HIM!!! HATORIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!"

"THE BLOOD WON'T STOP!"

"AYAME!! SHUT!! UP!!"

"HARU, MOMICHI, GET YUKI OUT OF HERE NOW!!!'

… Yun-chan… 

I forced my numb legs to move. The moment felt so unreal. It felt as if I was watching myself from above as I moved in a slow zombie-like pace. Time, itself, had slowed down. I even remember silently screaming at myself to move faster, but my body didn't have the ability to obey. By the time I reached the proper corridor, it was already abandoned. Akito-san's waiting room was empty. Shi-chan or Ha-niichan must have taken Akito-san back to his quarters. 

There were distinguishable droplets of scarlet littered and smeared on the floor from the scuffle that occurred there… and a noticeable intermittent trail of drops of dark liquid leading out of the room and through the corridor.  That familiar sharp searing pain pierced through my chest once again, forcing me to fall on my knees. I found myself face to face with a drop of scarlet on the floor. With shaking hands, I reached out to touch it and watched with detachment as the crimson liquid stained my fingertips.

It was real… 

…there was blood all over the floor… 

…and it was real…

Yun-chan…

Only then, my heavy body was freed from whatever invisible force was holding it down. Before I knew it, I found myself trying to catch my breath from the engawa of Ha-niichan's office. I mutedly made my way to the partially open sliding door and found him seated on Ha-niichan's chair, his back to me. Haru-chan was bending over him, holding a bloody washcloth on his face while Momi-chan stood watching at the side with a bloody basin at hand.

"I think the bleeding finally stopped," Ha-chan's bland murmur announced as he lifted the washcloth from Yun-chan's face and scrutinized it, "Hatori-niisan will need to stitch it."

I saw Momi-chan made an involuntary wince, "Eeeew… To-ru is not going to be happy when she comes back to see that…"

"That's why you're not going to say a single word to her about it, understand?" Yun-chan's firm voice echoed strongly from the seat

I made a spontaneous sigh of relief, realizing that he was okay.

"But still… when it heals, I think it's going to be a very nice looking scar," Haru-chan commented as he cocked his head to one side

I almost toppled over to the floor upon hearing him say that. Haru-chan was probably the only person in the world who would come up with something like that at a time like this.

"Really?" Momi-chan leaned closer to stare at that spot on Yun-chan's face

"Yeah… girls dig scars like that. It's very macho."

"Heeeeeh… maybe I should get one too…"

Now THAT was just too much! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!?!? YUN-CHAN IS HURT AND BLEEDING AND ALL YOU TWO CAN THINK ABOUT IS LOOKING COOL WITH A SCAR!?!?!"

"Haaaa! Gura is finally here," Momi-chan commented without missing a beat as he looked up to greet me with a big smile

"Kagura-nee is suddenly angry…" Haru-chan intoned, "Mystery."

"Haru, I think I'll need some more ice," Yun-chan stated quietly

Haru made a knowing nod and proceeded to leave the room, pulling Momi-chan by the arm with him, "Come and help me get more ice."

"Eh? Why do I have to?" Momi-chan protested but walked out with him anyway

"Because I said so…"

The room was eventually engulfed by silence as their voices faded away. Yun-chan didn't move from where he was seated, and I stood by the doorway silently. We stayed there in relative silence, waiting for the other to make the first move. Then finally, Yun-chan swivelled Ha-niichan's chair to face me. 

Tears of relief threatened to spill out of my eyes as I saw the extent of his injury. There was a small but a very deep and angry-looking gash cutting through his left eyebrow, just barely missing his left eye. The area around it was starting to bruise and swell. There was also the beginning of a light swelling over his left cheek. His left eye would probably be swollen shut by the next morning. Momi-chan is right. Tooru-kun won't be happy to come back home to this. Though, it still looked pretty bad, it still wasn't as horrible as I originally imagined.

"From all that commotion, I thought you were dying or something…" I stated lamely

"That was just Ni-san over-reacting as usual," He rolled his eyes at that and made an involuntary wince of pain, "He's just plain annoying. Hatori took him somewhere to calm him down., while Haru and Momiji stayed with me. Shigure stayed to take care of Akito."

"What happened?" were first words that spilled out from my mouth.

"I fell," was his simply reply with a small shrug

I couldn't help but frown at that, "THAT IS NOT FUNNY!"

"No," Yun-chan shook his head, "I really did fall. It was stupid. Akito started to go ballistic after I told him. He became unsteady on his feet so we were worried that he was going to fall and hurt himself. In the chaos, I ended up stumbling and challenging the corner of a table to a fight… and lost."

I let out another long breath. "So… Akito-san was pretty mad, huh?" 

"Yeah… but I think he'll get over it eventually."

"What do you think he'll do?"

"I don't know… frankly, I don't really want to think about it right now."

"And you?" I paused and watched him cautiously before speaking, "Are you still angry?"

He gave me a thoughtful look for a few moments before giving me a weak smile, "I think I'll get over it too… eventually."

I didn't stop the flood from flowing freely down my face at the sound of his words this time, as rushed in and knelt down in front of him. I took his hands and planted a grateful kiss on his knuckles before resting my forehead over them and continuing my uncontrollable sobbing, softly mumbling my apologies over and over.

Yun-chan let out a sigh of exasperation as I felt him shift to slide off Ha-niisan chair to sit down beside me on the floor. He pulled his hands away from mine to wipe the tears off my eyes with his sleeve, all the while glaring at me in genuine annoyance, "What is it with you women and tears and emotional black mail?"

I couldn't help but give him a small smile, despite of myself, "I'm really sorry… I didn't mean any of what I said back then. I don't know why I said it. I was just so angry… and you didn't deserve any of that at all. I know you and Tooru-kun were just trying to help me. So I'm so so very sorry…"

"I know," He replied softly as he took one of my hands again to give it a reassuring squeeze, "I'm kind of glad you actually said it out loud."

"What?" I stared at him, "Are you sure when you hit your…"

"No, I mean it," he interrupted, "It forced me to do a lot of thinking. And you were right. If things continued the way it did… the marriage would eventually fall apart."  He let go of my hand to wrap his arms around one knee, that unconscious insecure mannerism of his, "I didn't really realize it at first… but I've been procrastinating having to deal with the… uh… sex… since the beginning."

I rested a hand on his shoulder, silently prodding him to continue. Even when we were children, Yun-chan rarely had the courage to verbalize his innermost thoughts and emotions to anyone… perhaps except with Tooru-kun. I could sense that this was something that he truly wanted to tell me. If he were to loose his nerve now, the opportunity would be lost forever.

                "It was driving me insane," He continued with a small laugh, "For the longest time… It was in my head all the time… but when it came to… uhm… doing it for real… I couldn't get myself to… pursue it… I kept made excuses. At first it I said after I get my own place… then after I finish school… after I get a real job… after we get married… after this whole thing with Akito is done with… If things kept on as it was, even after tonight, I probably would have come up with another excuse… I think."

                I flinched inwardly, finally understanding what Yun-chan was going through every time I would make a playful jab about it. I definitely wasn't helping with his problem every time I teased him…

                "What you said forced me to realize that what I've been doing, really, was that I was just running away," He concluded, "Running away has become somewhat like second nature to me. For the longest time in the past, I've been doing it without realizing it. I've always felt insecure about myself because of the curse. I thought that I've already overcome it… but it seems that I haven't… at least not entirely. Even though I wanted it so bad… I was just more terrified of disappointing her. In the end, in doing that, it only showed that I didn't have a strong a faith on her love as I originally believed."

                I wrapped my arms around his shoulders comfortingly, "So now that you know all this... what are you going to do about it?"

                He made another small shrug, "What else is there to do?"

                "So have you stopped running away?"

                I felt him stiffen in my arms and made an unconscious effort to put some distance between as a flush started to rise from his neck, up his ears and face, and to the roots of his hair. I saw a small-embarrassed smile lining his lips before he covered his mouth, his eyes looking straight ahead, before making several slow nods.

                "Oh, my God…" I couldn't help but choke with disbelief at his silent answer. My jaw almost literally dropped on the floor before a mischievous grin made its way to my face, "When?"

                "Kagura… don't," He sighed, "This is very hard for me to tell you as it is, so please don't push…"

                "Okay, I get it, sorry!" I raised my hands out between us and backed off

                He took a deep breath and continued to look straight ahead, "The other night… and the day after that…" He then closed his eyes and raised both his hands to hide his face "…all day."

                This time I couldn't stop the laughter from erupting out of me. Highly amused by his almost feminine virginal confession. This was definitely a far cry from the prince-like image Yun-chan carried ever since he was a teen-ager. I tried to curb my mirth as I saw him cower even more in total mortification. 

                "I suppose it was very difficult letting her go today," I commented, measuring his reaction

                "Don't even start," was his muffled reply, "I couldn't even meet Hanajima-san's eye this morning when I dropped off Tooru at the station."

                "Do you feel better?" I said, shifting in a more serious note

                "Yeah," He took down his hands and turned to face me, "How about you?"

                I looked at him with a start. To tell you the truth, the thought didn't even occur to me. I searched my feelings for whatever sense of envy or hate or resentment that always accompanied me when we had similar conversations like this the past couple of days… and realized with wonder that… there was none. Whatever monsters and demons plagued me after escaping that small box seemed to have been exorcised. 

Once again, I reached out to take his hand in mine before turning back to him and to give him a genuine smile in reply. We sat there enjoying the comfortable silence and each other's company for a few moments as we watched the New Year's stars twinkling, just like back when we were children, from the partially open engawa of Ha-niichan's office. 

                "Ne, Yun-chan…" I finally spoke, as a question that's been nagging at me since the week before popped back into my mind, "About what I said back then… if you never met Tooru-kun… would things have been different?"

                He looked at the sky thoughtfully for a few moments before speaking, "Of course things would have been different if I didn't meet Tooru. But the real question to ask is…" He began before turning to me with an equally serious thoughtful expression, "…if I never met Tooru, would the way you see me have changed?"

                I blinked in surprise at the question he threw back at me as the familiar image of his fifteen-year-old self, from one particular incident in the past, sat in front of me. He hugged his legs, his chin resting over his knees, and his blank unseeing eyes stared far ahead as he slowly rocked back and forth, oblivious to my presence.

                /WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?/ My shaky voice finally spoke out angrily /Why did you do that?/

                /It was an accident,/ replied his emotionless monotone as he continued to stare far ahead and rock, /I was still feeling a bit weak. I fainted and fell overboard./

                /You know very well that's a lie. You jumped overboard just to spite me!/ I snapped angrily at him as I knelt down beside him to force him to face me, /Stop ignoring me, damn it! Turn around and look at me!/

                With that, he stopped rocking, raised his head and slowly turned around to face me. Amusement evident on his eyes, /So… it seems that you would cry over me after all./

                His grey eyes… the same identical grey eyes… looked at me… mocking me… Something inside of me snapped. I didn't even hear the loud clap echoing across the room until I felt the sting on my hand and the reddening imprint on his cheek. I stood up and turned around, taking several deep breaths to regain my composure. Without another word, I took the leather bound journal from my pocket and handed it over to him, /Here. I don't want it./

                I felt him take the small item from my hand. Then gape in shock as I saw it suddenly sail across the opposite side of the room and hit the wall. I turned around to face him again. He returned back to his original position, hugging his legs, staring far ahead, and rocking.  I can only swallow the small painful lump starting to form in my throat, /You would throw away your feelings just like that?/

                /I don't need it anymore,/ was his simple reply. 

He might as well have said 'I don't need you anymore.' 

I walked toward the opposite side of the room and cradled the abused book on my chest. Fury continued to burn inside me. Even though I couldn't accept it, it was still a beautiful part of himself that shouldn't be thrown away.  I don't understand the reason why he's become like this… I only know that no matter how hard I try, I can't reach him. I was not the person who can reach him. This poem was one of the few visible reminders that the beautiful person I knew since I was a child still existed. I couldn't let him throw that part of himself away. I won't let him. 

But what can I do? I don't know what to do…

All I have right now is this uncontrollable anger and hurt from this ugly person in front of me, impersonating Yun-chan.  /You're right. Kyou is much more easier to love. At least he won't intentionally hurt other people out in spite. Specially the people he claims whom he cares about the most./

                He threw back his head and let out a scornful laugh, /You're a bigger idiot than him./

"Kagura?"

I turned my attention back to the Yun-chan of the present and gave him a grateful smile. He was right. If Tooru-kun didn't come into our lives, things would have been entirely different. He was also right… that even if Tooru-kun didn't come into our lives, my feelings wouldn't have changed. My heart was already set on a goal, long before Yun-chan and I became as close as brother and sister… long before Yun-chan's feelings for me. So now… just like Yun-chan, I just have to continue doing my best to move forward and closer to that ultimate goal.

"By the way," He stated, "I heard from a talkative rabbit that there's a stray cat hiding out in Haru's place."

I raised an eyebrow, "I see…" So that's where he's been hiding…

"But before you go, let me tell you something about stray cats that I learned from observation," He began with a serious expression, "You know, cats over all, are really arrogant, prissy and stupid. A stray cat is the worst. He just thinks that he's the boss of the world or something. You can't force your affection on him or he'll just run away. First, you have to create a situation that will force him to come to you… you know make him believe that it's HIS idea. It's really easy, since cats are really stupid. Wave something in front of him that's looks very tempting to chase. Before you know it, you'll have him purring and rubbing himself between your legs on his own volition."

He was still looking at me with that serious expression on his face. My jaw dropped in embarrassment upon hearing those un-Yuki-like words spouting from his mouth. It felt so weird having the tables turned on you. My hand shot out automatically to push him away, which unfortunately fell on his sore cheek.

"ITAI! Kagura! Watch it!" He yelped, his eyes watering in pain, as he pulled away to nurse his injury 

"It's your own fault," I stated unsympathetically, before switching into a more serious tone, "Since when did you become so smart?" 

"Heeeh? Didn't you know?" He simply raised his eyebrow and gave me an impish smile, "The mouse is special." 

TO BE CONCLUDED…

~~*@*~~


	6. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. 

November 22, 2002 (revised Dec. 8, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori : Epilogue

By Ina-chan

The beat slows down to a halt

'Till finally it ceases

We take a bow and start to depart

Despite our hearts' true wishes

Still it's just a matter of whim

For another music to begin

And we'll dance a brand new dance

~~*@*~~

                It was the perfect day. That day in June, when spring was giving its final bow before making way for summer's grand entrance. The blue sky was clear, the cheerful sun gave its blessing with a pleasant smile, the cool breeze stirred playfully, causing the late spring flowers of the temple gardens to gracefully dance along with the silent song of nature. 

Tooru-kun once mentioned that her mother dreamt of having traditional Shinto wedding ceremony on a day like this. Unfortunately, the circumstances of her parents' romance didn't allow for such a fantasy to become a reality. So it was only natural for a child to secretly aspire for her mother's unfulfilled dream as her own.  

At first, the circumstances of Tooru-kun's own romance seemed to parallel that of her mother's… Nevertheless, Tooru-kun's two friends were determined to fulfill that dream of hers at all costs… and her loving husband is just as determined to comply.  To think that even right until the last moment, the threat of waking from that dream was a harsh reality... 

My heart almost stopped at the sight of Akito-san walking on the temple path with Kureno-san and Ha-niichan at tow. I'll never forget the uneasy feeling I felt those moments when we all stood and waited outside while Akito-san talked with Yun-chan. Not even Ha-niichan's reassuring glance gave any twinge of comfort.  

I stood beside Momi-chan, who was leaning on the wall opposite the door to the room with a cheerful smile, despite the worry in his eyes.  Haru-chan stood on the opposite side of him, arms crossed with an impassive expression on his face.  We were probably hoping that Momi-chan's cheer would rub off on us. Though what we felt would probably be nothing compared to what Aya-chan was feeling. 

Aya-chan stood waiting, purposely standing away from us, emitting a familiar 'don't come near me' aura that we would normally sense around Yun-chan. It was the first time I saw Aya-chan stay perfectly still in one spot, waiting with a dead serious expression on his face. Even Shi-chan couldn't get close to him. In the end, Shi-chan disappeared to somewhere. 

When Akito-san and his entourage left without incident, my own sigh of relief must have been the loudest.  I was ashamed to admit that… despite our collective decision to disregard whatever Akito-san orders regarding the Jyuunishi circle members' attendance to this ceremony… despite the fact that the order to maintain our absence was never given… I still bowed my head in fear, afraid to meet the reprimanding eyes of the Master of the Souma Family.  

As soon as Akito-san was safely out of sight, we rushed into the waiting room to find Yun-chan still seated on the floor with his head bowed and his eyes hidden. Aya-chan was already inside, sitting beside his brother. We all stood in the room silently, waiting for one of us to ask that question that was obviously in all our minds, which remained sealed by our lips for fear of hearing the answer.

I swallowed the painful lump in my throat and gathered my courage to move my lips.

"What did he say?" Momi-chan's voice filtered through the room before I can get my own voice to obey my commands

"He said," Yun-chan began in his quiet voice, "Do whatever you want, but don't come crawling back to me when you regret it in the end." 

I clenched my fists upon hearing that vague reply. Akito-san may have acknowledged Yun-chan and Tooru-kun's marriage, but it was obvious that he still hasn't accepted it. 

"Does that mean, Yuki won't be dancing with me next year," Haru-chan's monotone verbalized exactly what was in my thoughts

"No, that's not it," Aya-chan's voice boomed clearly, causing all of us to jump back in surprise, "That was just Akito's way of admitting defeat," His voice toned down as he reached out to give his younger brother a reassuring hand on the shoulder, "Don't worry Yuki, no matter what Akito decides after this, everything will turn out alright." 

Yun-chan simply sat there and gave us a small sad smile.

Despite that one blemish, it was still a perfect day in June.  Under the clear blue sky and the sun's joyous blessing, close friends and members of the Souma and Honda family gathered together to witness and take part in the joining of their children in a quiet and solemn Shinto ceremony.

"…by now, Tooru-kun should know the little quirks that come along with Yuki-kun's hypersomnia, if there is anything you want to ask Yuki-kun of anything, THAT would be the perfect time to ask him. He's sure to say 'yes' to anything," Shi-chan teased 

"Just make sure you don't imitate Kyou's style in approaching him, of Yuki will just throw or pin you on the ground," Haru-chan warned helpfully

"Sou, sou…" Aya-chan agreed as he nodded solemnly with his arms folded in front of him, "But given the circumstances, that could actually be a good thing," he suddenly added impishly as he turned to Tooru to give her a mischievous wink

"Eh?" Tooru-kun cried out in surprise as a telltale embarrassed flush started to cover her face

"NIISAN!" Yun-chan's indignant reprimand rose above the hearty laughter within our group in the reception hall, as an identical flush appeared on his face

It would be redundant to say that the western-style wedding reception that Aya-chan organized was anything but solemn. Yun-chan would probably prefer to die than admit it aloud, but Aya-chan did a wonderful job. Aya-chan arranged everything from the flowers, right to even every detail of Tooru-kun's pristine silk wedding kimono for the ceremony and the exquisite western-style gown for the wedding reception… all of it in secret, for obvious reasons. In fact, Yun-chan and Tooru-kun didn't even know about the surprise reception until only two days before their originally planned simple ceremony.

With some help with his co-conspirators, namely Shi-chan, Momi-chan and Tooru-kun's friends, and myself, we managed to get almost everyone to come. Tooru-kun's friends were able to get Tooru-kun's family. Her grandfather seemed like a nice old man, though he seemed a little confused. For some strange reason, he kept on calling Tooru-kun and Yun-chan, ' Kyoko-san and Katsuya'.  

As for our side, with the exception of Kureno-san, we managed to get all the Jyuunishi to come. Ha-niisan missed the ceremony, but he arrived to the reception. Just in time to save Aya-chan from getting strangled when he started to get carried away with his public speech for the groom about the different techniques on how to keep a woman 'happy'. For some miracle, Isuzu allowed Haru-chan drag her to come without much resistance. Even Kyou-kun showed his face in both the ceremony and the early part of the reception, before practicing a new technique he probably mastered in his recent training… the uncanny ability to completely disappear out of thin air.

Amidst the gaiety of the occasion, somehow, I still couldn't get myself to join in with the festivities. It was because of a lot of things. Kyou-kun…  the fatigue from the preparations… the anxiety caused by Akito-san's visit... It would also be a big lie to say that I didn't feel a tiny hint of envy. It was simply too suffocating to stay in that room full of happy people. So I made my way through one of the hall's sliding glass doors and to escape to the adjoining patio. I leaned on the railing and took in the cool late spring breeze as it blew against my face and it helped clear away the heaviness in my head.

"Are you okay?" 

I turned around, startled. Yun-chan was standing by the door, he obviously followed me upon seeing my retreat. I gave him a weak smile before nodded, "Yeah… It was getting a little too wild in there."

He stepped forward and leaned on the railing beside me, "Are you sure that's all that's really bothering you?"

"Well… There's Akito-san's visit too…" I replied hastily, "He didn't really say anything today, but he could still… I'm sure you're worrying about it as well."

He slowly shook his head, "I'm not worried about that." 

There was no trace of defeat or fear reflected in his eyes. It was just a simple undeniable calm sea of grey. It was definitely a far cry from the Yun-chan of the past who trembled at the sound of Akito-san's name. To the contrary, the twinges of anxiety I sensed from him now were not because of fears for own being.

"Stupid! You don't have to worry about anything," I stated huffily as I crossed my arms over my chest. This time, it was Yun-chan's turn to put on a surprised expression. I met his gaze and give him a comforting grin, "No matter what Akito-san tells us or orders us to do, you don't have to worry about it at all."

With that, Yun-chan finally gave me a smile.

"Ah, I almost forgot!" I exclaimed as I fumbled with the folds of my dress and held out the small perfectly preserved leather-bound booklet to him, "I thought this would be the perfect time to return this to you."

Yun-chan blinked at the item, before recognition hit him. He quickly turned his astounded eyes to me as he cautiously took the book from my hands, "You… kept this?" 

"Of course!" I replied with a huge grin, "After all, you still need to give that to the woman you will love forever."  He continued to stare at the small book in his hands in shocked disbelief, so I cleared my throat and I motioned him to open the journal, "I… uh… kinda scribbled something at the end. Think of that as my wedding present to you."

Yun-chan raised an eyebrow and opened the book to read the bottom of the page that held my hasty scribble and read it aloud, "After reading this poem, let me suggest page 113." He gave me a quizzical look, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It will make more sense later… but you have to make sure that Tooru-kun opens my wedding present for her first," I stated cryptically, trying to maintain a serious expression

Yun-chan closed his eyes and rubbed his right temple, "I certainly hope this is not a conspiracy between you and Niisan…"

"Heeeeh!? How can you suspect your Neechan of that?" I retorted in mock injury, "I can assure you, Aya-chan and I are working independently!"

Yun-chan opened his eyes to give me a look of disbelief before letting out a jovial laugh. Without warning, I suddenly found myself engulfed in Yun-chan's arms in a tight bear hug, "Thank you for putting up with me… back then… and for all these years…" 

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I returned his hug. We stayed like that for a long time before I playfully pushed him away when the fluid threatening to spill down my face became too unbearable to hold back. I quickly motioned inside, where Tooru-kun was currently dancing with Shi-chan. "Hey! You better go back. Shi-chan was really upset that you stole his housekeeper… he could be plotting to steal her back from you right this moment."

Yun-chan let out another laugh at that, though he continued to hesitate from leaving me alone, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I promise, that incident when I spent the night in your apartment will never happen again," I playfully raised my left hand and placed my right hand over my heart before giving him a more serious look

He reached out to loop an errant strand of hair behind my ear before bending down to give me an affectionate peck on the cheek, "It'll be alright," Yun-chan echoed the reassuring words said to him earlier, "You're ten times more stubborn than me, so I'm sure it's just a matter of time. Everything will turn out all right."  

With that, he retreated back into the hall, leaving me once again with my thoughts. 

"What the hell was that all about?"

I jumped back in surprise and followed the sound of that familiar voice to the branches of a nearby tree, "K…Kyou-kun?"

"What is this about you in Yuki's apartment?" The owner of the voice demanded, ignoring my surprise

"So that's where you've been hiding all this time," I crossed my arms and frowned in annoyance to meet the pair of disapproving scarlet eyes glaring down at me, "How long have you been eavesdropping?"

"It's not like I did it on purpose," Kyou-kun countered hotly as he jumped down from the tree branch and gracefully landed beside me, "I was here first, you know."

"Hai, hai…" I simply gave in, not really in the mood for petty arguments, "So why are you running away from the party?"

"Why are YOU?" Kyou-kun retorted

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Kyou-kun… are you're trying to pick a fight with me."

"WHAT KIND OF STU---…" He stopped at mid-sentence and took a deep breath as he ran his fingers through his hair, "… I… It's just that you haven't been acting like yourself lately."

"And what made you come to that conclusion?" I asked innocently, trying hard not to let a wayward smirk from touching my lips

"You haven't been…" He paused, looking uncomfortably flustered, "… around… much… since New Year."

With everything that happened, I simply didn't have the energy to actively pursue Kyou-kun like before. "I just wanted to help out Aya-chan as much as I could." 

"Haru mentioned that…" Kyou-kun cleared his throat and let out a nervous cough, "…that you had a… nervous breakdown…." 

"Eh?" I frowned and turned to face him, "EH!?"

He put up his arms defensively, "I'm just repeating what I heard! If you showed up and forced yourself in other people's business' like you used to, I would have gotten the right information sooner."

Now THAT was just ridiculous. I crossed my arms again and turned away from him, "If you really cared to know the truth that much, you didn't have to wait for me to come to you."

I didn't have to turn to see the stunned expression on his face upon hearing my words. The long awkward pause silence was evidence enough, before his equally awkward stammering that followed, "W…wha… I… WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA THAT I CARE!?!?"

"I see…" 

Another long pause followed before he let out a long defeated sigh as he stepped forward to stand beside me. He leaned on the patio railing, looking far ahead, and still refusing to meet my eyes, "Sorry... That was a lie… I do… care…  And you're right… I should have to come to you."

Upon hearing his say that, I finally allowed a small smile to touch my lips and relished the moment. I leaned on the railing as well, imitating his position, "I guess it was somewhat a nervous breakdown… though Yun-chan was the one who ended up getting hurt more."

"Yuki?" I could see the frown quickly lining his forehead from the corner of my eye

"It was that time when I spent the night at his apartment," I replied quietly

"THE HELL!?!?" Kyou-kun suddenly exploded as he grabbed me by the shoulders to force me to look at him, "WHAT HAPPENED!? DID HE TRY TO DO SOMETHING TO YOU!?!? WHY THAT DAMNED MOUSE!!! I'LL---" 

**WHAP!**

"ITTE! DAMMIT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?!?"

"Saving you from making a fool of yourself," I calmly shook the sting from my palm as Kyou-kun nursed the back of his head. I let out a long sigh before tuning down to a more serious tone, "Personally, I'm actually thankful that it happened."

"Ha?" He could only give me a bewildered look at that

"It forced me to do a lot of thinking," I simply replied.

Yun-chan succeeded because he made a great gamble betting his happiness by facing his ultimate fear. I, on the other hand, was too frightened of taking such a gamble. So I took the safe way and tried to cling and hold on tightly rather than taking a risk by letting go. So in the end, I only succeeded in suffocating and driving Kyou-kun away… thereby making my greatest fear into a mere self-fulfilling prophesy. 

I turned to face the party happening on the other side of the glass door. It's participants completely oblivious to what's happening outside.  I unconsciously clutched my collar as a familiar ache started to throb in my chest. My eyes wandered, and I saw that Yun-chan was successful in reclaiming his bride and was now moving with her on the dance floor. He turned on a step and in a split second met my eyes. 

In that short moment, it was almost as if we were children again. It was as if I was staring at his thirteen-year-old self… a little shy and insecure, but completely full of trust, as he sent a warm smile of encouragement to the older sister he never had but always looked up to.

/Ganbatte, Kagura-neechan! Do your best!/

That's right. It was also time for me to stop running away. To reach that ultimate goal that I longed for the longest time means I had to face and overcome my greatest fear. 

"Ne, Kyou-kun…" I began, before my courage faltered, "I guess I've been acting stupid about this from the start." 

"Ha?"

"All this time, I set myself into narrow-mindedly chasing one dream," I closed my eyes and clasped my hands over my chest, "Because of that… I ended up purposely ignoring and taking for granted another form of happiness. I always thought I'd never regret letting that go, as long as I pursued that one dream… until I saw that happiness being offered to someone else…" 

"What exactly are you babbling about?" 

I opened my eyes and turned to face him, "Some people can't wait forever, Kyou-kun. I just hope you don't end up regretting what you chose to sacrifice in order to chase a dream." 

His reply was to stare at me silently, with an unreadable expression on his face before turning away.  I knew that he perfectly understood what I meant… so my heart sank at his reaction, and all at once, the courage I managed to gather quickly dissolved into nothingness.

He was going to say 'no, thank you'…  

He was going to refuse…

I knew this was a big gamble to take… I knew it was a big risk. I prepared myself for the worst. But still… but still, I don't think my heart can bear to hear the words from his mouth… So I choked back the pain in my throat and wiped the tears that managed to escape down my face as I forced myself to give him the sweetest smile that I can muster,  "Ah! My favourite song is playing! I think I'll go inside and see if Momi-chan needs a dancing partner. I'll see you later, Kyou-kun."

I quickly reached put to open the sliding glass door, when I suddenly felt a firm grasp around my free wrist, pulling me back and forcing me to turn around. 

"Idiot! How do you expect to catch up to your dream if you're giving up halfway in the race?" He muttered in annoyance, still looking far ahead, refusing to meet my gaze. His grasp loosened as the tone of his voice softened on the words that followed next, "I'm sorry… it's still too early… for this… but I… I don't want to regret anything in the end either… So if it's all right with that person… If it isn't too much to ask… Can I ask that person…" 

I could only watch him intently in stunned silence as he finally turned around to look at me with an intense, almost pleading expression in his gentle crimson eyes, "Can that person wait just a little bit longer?"

"Yes," I managed to whisper against the constriction in my throat. This time, I didn't even try to stop the clear warm liquid from brimming over from my eyes as I held on to his hand to give it a gentle reassuring squeeze 

"Idiot, " He frowned, "That's nothing to cry over about."

"Yes… yes… yes…" I laughed, saying the words over and over almost like a mantra.

"Idiot," He repeated half-heartedly, turning his gaze away again, looking slightly embarrassed but making no attempt to unlatch his hand from mine

Together, we looked up at the colourful palette caused by the sleepy sun on the evening sky.  The party inside has shown no indication of slowing down. Though it was still too early to see the them in the evening sky, I'm sure the excited stars and the mysterious pale moon were getting ready to make own their appearance to create a perfect late-spring June night. After all, what better way is it to end the perfect day?

~~*@*~~

You 

are the light of my soul

the purity of its brightness

clears my eyes and my mind

from all shadows of doubt

You 

are the will of my heart

the song that it beats to

that gives me courage

to continue moving on

You

are the air that I breathe

which fills my lungs

and the sole true reason 

why I continue to live

Deprive me of your light

I shall only lose my way

Mute your song 

I shall only loose my will

Cut yourself away 

I shall only face my death

In your hands I entrust

my heart, my mind, my soul

[untitled poem by Souma Yuki

(as interpreted by Ina-chan)]


End file.
